Monday, August 27, 2007

YouTube Awesomeness



First up we've got one of the happier, more awesome vids I've seen in a long time. It combines the hypnotic qualities of a stupid skill set* with the equally hypnotic beats of Daft Punk. I guarantee you will not be able to watch this only once, also watchiing this when really hungover automatically makes you feel at least 20% better.



Second, and with a huge Hat Tip to straightbangin, we've got the Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY, born "Hipster Olympics." Yep, it's a little too true-I really liked the commercials and commentary.

*"stupid skill set," yes, that means something I can't do, that I wish I could do. Mad love to Jesssss for showing me the Daft Punk vid.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Weekend Update

A few things before I officially begin to kick it for the weekend...

My Phone, New Hottness. Your phone, Old and Busted.


So fresh, so clean.

On Thursday, or Donnerstag for our German friends, I got caught in one of the most wicked and torrential thunderstorms I've ever experienced. I was out by Lake Michigan enjoying a lovely afternoon at the beach when the tempest struck. Seventy mile per hour winds, downed trees, whipping rains and flooded streets; none of these could stop me on my madcap ride back to the safety of my apartment in Logan Square. Though I could not be stopped, my shit-tacular Motorola was stopped for good by the deluge and consequential puddles. After a futile effort at drying out and recusistating the drenched technological non-wonder, I set out yesterday A.M. and picked up my new phone. It's nice and simple, like me. Also, unlike me, it can access the Internet, play MP3s and it's got bluetooth compatibility.

The best part about getting the new phone had to be the not-so-ambiguously gay duo of Miguel and Mark who sold me the phone and tried, oh, so hard, to sell me on themselves as well. It was shameless how they tried to flirt with me, and Mark actually wrote his personal email on his business card, how unprofessional can you get? In any case I got a free bluetooth headset for the new phone and I began to wonder about two things: The ethical implications of not explaining your sexaul orientation once it becomes obvious that the other individual(s) are certainly wrong. And two, exactly how gay do I come across? To get to the bottom of that query, I've set up a new poll on the suddenlystruttin.

Also, go see Superbad it's hilarious.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Sports Thursday



Yep, the ruler's back. Look I know there is still a year 'til the 2008 Olympics but this isn't going to be 2004 and this isn't going to be a bronze for the Team Naismith. Coach K ain't Larry Brown and he sure is shit isn't allowing them to listen to any music-let alone easy jazz. Fool, Coach K does one thing and that one thing is making teams that kill punk mugs by utilizing python meets crane defense, that can handle the pick & roll and teams that shoot the lights out to set up an interior attack of slashers and bigs. Lo and behold, USA's got a squadron of slashers, shooters and one or two bigs who can bang around with Andre the Giant and his posse. Mark it down, 2008: The year everybody is Pippen, Longley or Rodman to Kobe's MJ and USA wins some shine back.

Other News and Notes: Nellie, "Pay me, bitches."
Yesterday Don Nelson took the brazen step of furthering his basketball legacy/megalomania by demanding more money and incentives off his already lucrative three year contract with the Golden State Warriors. Nellie refused to comment, leaving Andris Biedrins to handle reporters. Biedrins, who was humorously costumed in a lion tamer's outfit, proclaimed, "Back you media attack panzers! I cry out to you with force and no fear. Back I say, Simbas, back!"


Much like this only taller and more Latvian.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

More like "Rad"atouille

Periodically, Tony Ritz has gotta take a break from the blog game and when those moments inevitably arrive, Tony's got a stable of accomplished bloggers to take you on home. Today, we've got Tony's friend, Felonious Krunk scribing a review of the Pixar release, Ratatouille.

Jeah, s'up blognation? Shit, yo, my man Ritz got me fucking puttin down the 411 on y'all ignant mugs about what movie y'all need to be speckin' fa sho. Now don't be peepin' dis bloggin and be all, "Okay poindexter, what the fuck has blogs and Disney flicks got to do with life on da streets?" To wit, bitches be cool, I blog to get my words heard and fa realz Remy that lead rat in dis joint is on some Do The Right Thing throwin shit at whitey tips. Remy is a revolutionary standing up for those without a voice. The action starts off with our boy, Remy, feudin' wit his dad about the role of rats and what a rat can ultimately be: chef or thief? Remy, loves cookin' and has got a nose for the finer things, just like yo boy, Felonious to the motherfucking K. as in Krunk. Yo and Remy stands up and moves to Paris France and starts cooking like a madaman with a lil bit of assistance from some dumbass cracka who can't cook fo' shit and is the garbage boy for the restaurant. After getting the stupid whitey with an overbite to get his rat self in the kitchen Remy is impressing all types of rich, white Parisians with some mouth waterin' shit. Then some gay white people shit happened and I stepped out to smoke a blunt. After that, I strutted back and started laughing my black ass off at the fucking talking rat. I caint remember much else of what happened. I give it 3 starts outta 4.
You Might Already be a Winner!

I know it's only Tuesday, but on the same half-block stretch of California Ave. I saw two very strong contenders for Jackass of the Week Honors. Our first entrant was some hipster chump sporting those tapered Levi's that are all the rage this year along with a zipped up pleather jacket in sunny 84 degree weather with a humidity of around 90%. Normally, this would be enough but to aid in his nomination he was also like 6'6 and was wearing doofus hipster glasses. On any given week, I would've given this fella the trophy (punch to the solar plexus) on the spot. BUT right down the road was an equally ambitious go-getter of all things jackassery entails. Yep, some jerk ass was taking a piss on the side of the road in plain day light behind only a recycling bin and there was a mom with a stroller like ten feet in front of him. I need to get another digicam and a plaque for these "awesome competitors" ASAP.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Cubano Challenge

I like Logan Square, it's a nice neighborhood in my favorite city, sure, it has it's problems with car alarms or noisy neighbors or that damn jackass on the bike with the clown horn. BUT for the most part it's a great hood and it definitely affords me the opportunity to sample as much Mexican, Cuban and Puerto Rican food as I want. With that in mind, I've begun a new foray within the culinary realm: namely, I'm going to start comparing and reviewing cubanos. This is the first of such posts. For those of you not in the know, cubanos are an amazing Cuban, duh, specialty sandwich with ham, roasted pork, cheese and mustard on a french roll. Logan Square has a plethora of joints that offer this on the menu and some are amazing, while others are dismal.


Today's Entrant: El Rinconcito Cubano. Located a scant four blocks from my house on the 3200 block of Fullerton, El Rinconcito is a few doors down from one of the better LS bars, The Whirlaway. Now, if the proprietors wanted, I suspect, they could make like gangbusters with the drunk hipster crowd filtering out of Whirlaway at bar time, alas, they as of now, have not gone with this plan and are only open til 8 p.m. The interior is predictably "ethnic" in the fashion that any authentic Mexicano or Cubano restarante. Tons of bric a brac adorn the walls, chintzy table cloths and of course, a voluptuous hostess accompanied by a crone who's responsibility is to harangue the kitchen staff in her native tongue. The sandwich is slightly overpriced for what you get, but was-it seemed-brushed with butter which is certainly a unique wrinkle to the bread. The pork was thinly sliced and not of any real merit. Not awful by any stretch, just not great. Too much mayonaise and the brushed on butter contributed to make the sandwich too greasy for my tastes, but it was ok. I give it 2.5 outta five stars.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Real Quick

Last week I briefly discussed Destroyer premiering some new songs at a show in Calgary, Canada and one of the commenters was puzzled, wondering a) who's Destroyer? and b) why I'm not talking about Carly Simon more. Well, I don't really have an answer about the Carly dilemma but I do have a video of the new Dan Bejar, aka: Destroyer song. It's called "Foam Hands" it's really good.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

A Justified Sunday Afternoon

Headed out to my friend Dee's house this morning for her moving sale and picked up a copy of Timberlake's still marginally hott if less relevant "Justified," The Mosquito Coast and a change jar all for the low, low, low price of five fifty. Man, listening to the JT I had completely forgot how jamming this album was and how, I believe, the first single was "Like I Love You" and the boss cameo by the Clipse locked that shit up like Brinks.


"We still be underrated." "Yeah, and we still sell that white."


Moreso, the unstoppable "Cry Me a River," man, looking back at that single-was this when Britney started her cataclysmic descent? I know she came out with "Toxic" after this was dropped but maybe this was the beginning of the end or that Timberlake put a hex on her? In any case, he's still shinin' and Spears is now this Skankzilla of a mother that nobody's dizznick better be wanting to get close to.



Whoa, back that SlutTrain the fuck up.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Rumblings and Ramblings

Man alive, this summer time heat is crushing me. My little apartment is a lot of things but a harborer of modest temperature in August is certainly not one of them, fortunately, I've discovered some things to take my mind off the heat.

New Destroyer Songs Yep, my favorite musician performed at a church in Calgary last month and played two new songs that had never been heard before. Hot Holy Crap! They are both really good and for my tastes the new "Foam Hands" is his best song since "Your Blues."

Noisy Neighbors Holy Fuck, I hate noisy neighbors. In no particular order these are the most annoying noises I hear every day on my street: The jackass candy salesman. The crying little kids. The dog downstairs from me. Car alarms, constantly car alarms. Now, I can't hate on little kids-they're young and stupid-but Jesus H. Christ! Parents, get some fucking control. Lock the bastards in your house so I don't have to hear them screaming and crying outside. I tell you I can't be my sexiest when I'm listening to kids screaming and crying. Car alarms: Did a noisy truck just rumble by? Yep, and now the car alarm on some douche's 1994 Chrysler Sebring is going off. The dog downstairs gets a pass, since he's really really friendly and it's nice to scratch his ears. The jackass candy saleman. I'm not sure what this fucker sells, I just hear him before I see him and always begin to load and ready my imaginary sniper rifle. This cock-knocker rides his bike with one of those obnoxious clown horns honking non-stop up and down the block peddling whatever he sells... I hate him.

Magnetic Knife Holder This thing is sooo neat. I just got it on Monday at Target and it's great.

That's that. Another post has been posted, not like this really worth reading, unless of course, you love Destroyer and magnetic knife holders and hate noisy neighbors.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

MEMO:

TO:What I used to know as the best burger I'd ever eaten
FROM:Tony Ritz
DATE:08/03/2007
RE:YOU'RE NO LONGER THE BEST!
On Friday night I had the best hamburger of my life. To even threaten this meal with that kind of hyperbole y'all best recognize how serious I am about this. I'll repeat, on Friday night at Rosebud Steakhouse I had the best hamburger of my life. Yo, and let me further expound on this jazz, "B.B.O.M.L" that shit ain't even hyperbolic, that's Gospel Truth, we're talking about culinary paradigm shift, an appocalypse in the kitchen of my mind. The plate is unreal, a heaping helping of perfectly crisped pommes frites accents what shall evermore be known as "The Ideal." To the left of both the fries and "The Ideal" is what my friend Nat, astutely described as the salad of accoutrements. Lettuce, pickle, onion and a fresher than fresh tomato. Do not use all of them on "The Ideal," I suggest taking two and then eating the rest as a salad.

I ordered mine medium rare with swiss cheese and sauteed mushrooms. Upon first bite, my tastebuds began to cry from the joy they were experiencing, the synapses within my brain began to misfire, my ears only heard "An die Freude"Sadly, no photos were taken...