Suddenlystruttin's Spectacular Summer Movie Smackdown

We were looking at the office calendar earlier this week and [spit take!] realized that it's nearly July, which mean that the month of June is nearly over and that it's a matter of days until we start reminiscing about our dad passing out in the kiddie pool with a bottle of High Life pouring out onto the grass on the 4th of July. J/K, dad, we know you were never around for holidays. But we digress! with summertime comes a ton of Hollywood blockbusters and we'd be remiss as all fuck if we weren't willing to put our two cents into previewing some of the bigger flicks this season, so without further ado...

Wall-E

Some movie about, I don't know, robots? Great, well, I'm sure it's safe to assume that this animated romp has no truth nor fact and that it does not accurately portray robots as having taken over the universe and crushing mankind. Sorta like how the Y2K bug was snuffed out by the CIA and the Order of the Pentagram...

Hancock



Will Smith narrates and Jason Bateman has a cameo as the construction crane that helped create the architectural masterpiece that is the John Hancock Building. Starting with the landmark building's foundation as a humble landfill in the Streeterville neighborhood of Chicago and continuing the story of how the building came to be the 5th tallest building in the USA and paragon of the structural expressionist style of architecture that it is today. Charlize Theron also stars as "The Signature Room" where over one million people have been served in the 95th floor's famous lounge and restaurant.

The Dark Knight

Christian Bale stars as a conflicted knight in King Arthur's court in this medieval morality play. Is his dedication to the King and his own chivalry enough to resist the advances of the comely maiden? Ribaldry (and hilarity) are sure to ensue!

A Few Words on Chicago's Crosstown Showdown

Tom and I talked about MLB's interleague scheduling on the podcast this week and how even though neither of us had a problem with it, we just didn't -- for the most part -- understand what all the fuss was about. After all, every pro league in the US has had inter-conference/league play for the better part of the past 50 years and yet, when MLB went to it in the mid 90s the media made it seem as if the skies had opened up and with a bolt of thunder the Gods of Sport had decried that "Yes, this was right and good." Meanwhile, the teenage version of me was left muttering who gives a shit and when does college football season start again? Flash forward to 2008 and the mainstream sports media still sports a raging boner for interleague play; por example: Cubs vs. White Sox this weekend. Granted, both squads are in first place in the respective divisions; however, even when both teams are struggling to keep their heads above the .500 mark ESPN, WGN, The Sun-Times and the Trib are shilling these contests to the masses as if it were midseason World Series. Most galling is the absolute belief that the fans of both the Cubs and Sox have in thinking that this series is Oh, So Crucial and Relevant to the fate of the Second City. For those of us in the know, we're all far too aware that the only real loser when these squads collide isn't the North or South Side of Chicago but dignity itself. A tale of the tape, necessary? By all means!

Cubs vs White Sox: Pros

- Having both teams fan bases in the same stadium at the same time affords terrorists (who have grown sick of the constant media attention) the unique opportunity to, indeed, kill two birds with one stone.

- Having both teams fan bases in the same stadium at the same time affords West Side sports separatists (who have been clamoring for a West Side pro franchise) the unique opportunity to, indeed, kill two birds with one stone and make a pitch to West Side efficiency?)

- Having both teams fan bases in the same stadium at the same time affords both parties the unique opportunity to attempt to "outmurder" the other side. And since there will probably be metal detectors this means the sloven troglodytes from both the North and South will have to display an iota of creativity in finding a murder weapon upon entering the "friendly confines." Hopefully, there'll be at least one case of a forced drowning within a toilet or (even better!) a trough..

Cubs vs White Sox: Cons

- The rules of baseball do not afford ties. Sadly, one team or the other will have to win every game.

- With aforementioned win will come inevitable bluster and braggadocio from the curmudgeonly American mule (Lou Piniella) or cantankerous Venezuelan burro (Ozzie Guillen)

Feel free to add your own Pros or Cons in the comments and have a great weekend...

Dust to Dust

"Annnnnnd we're back, annnnnnnd we're staying focused."

So the grand experiment that was me writing for The Tyra Banks Show has officially come to a close and, shockingly!, I had nothing to do with my own being laid off. Nope, my poor friend the Web Producer was fired for being far too smart for her own good. Which really sucks, but I'm quite sure that she'll land on her feet.

In any case, I owe my poor, neglected, little corner of the Internet a heartfelt apology. Dear Suddenlystruttin.blogspot.com, I'm sorry I'm such a wretched blogger. Sincerely, Tony Ritz. So what's new with old Tony Ritz? Well, I've got a few irons in the fire right now including some freelance work for the Not For Tourists series of guidebooks and my first reviews should be posted by the end of next week...details to follow. And as usual, Thomas and myself have been up to our rambling and non-sensical sports blathering at 3 Yards and a Cloud of Lust. In the meantime, I'm looking for an ever better blogging/writing gig to replace the dearly departed (and horribly named) "Single and Fierce" of tyrashow.com