A morbid and somber collection of (mostly) celebrity-related links on this All Hallows Eve. Also, what with it being Halloween, how many of the suddenlystruttin readership is dressing up and going out tonight? I can't completely explain it, but Halloween to many 20 somethings means more now as an opportunity to get wasted and/or lucky than it did as a chance to get free candy as a kid. I can completely understand the superficialities, I mean, isn't alcohol simply candy for grown ups? But there's something else there too, the costumes et cetera... In any case tell everybody what your costume is in the comments and be safe out there, don't drink anything with a razor blade sticking out of it.
RIP Robert Goulet There are countless times when I wished Robert Goulet was my dad and, hmmm, that's about it, actually, I'm pretty sure I'll remember him more from the Will Ferrell skits on SNL.
Genius! I always hated the Jackass spinoff shows on MTV, in particular Bam Margera's show and his personality really grated on me. Completely unfunny cock knocker who'd wiped out sans helmet one too many times. The shadenfreude is off the charts with this story. The best part is the quote, "just kill me now!" Nice, dude.
A few months ago when I started my netflix account back up, I had this grand scheme of having my queue coordinated so that today, October 31, I'd have a stockpile of scary movies that I could then watch in the safety of my apartment. Alas, that plan has fallen apart and according to the last email netflix sent me, I should be expecting "Mystery Train" when I get back to my place tonight. Grrrrreat, how am I going to be scared witless when I'm watching a Jim Jarmusch film? I can't, that's how.
And in other news, I had to ship two boxes from Ohio back to Chicago last week. Well, the packages finally arrived yesterday and UPS can go fornicate itself with an iron rod. I'd taken the time to wrap up the fragile items, explained to the UPS clerk what was being shipped and still there were at least two or three broken items per box. UPS: Fuck You!
Call me old-fashioned, but I'm constantly amazed by Competitive Eating. You can keep your X-Games, hula hoops, snow boards and war veterans. Competitive eaters are the real American heroes. I mean 103 burgers in a year is impressive, let alone eight minutes! I mean, in eight minutes I've usually finished up with all of the "foreplay" and begun to undo the fine young lady's [Careful, Tony Ritz, Caaaareful-Ed.] Right, in any case, kudos to you Joey Chestnut, your 103 burgers in eight minutes is a Hell of an accomplishment.
The President lambasted the Congress for what he referred to as "time wasting." Oooh, BURN! Take that Congress.
House Speaker, Nacy Pelosi responded to Bush's opening salvo with a zinger of her own:
“The president calls Congressional oversight that has uncovered tens of billions of dollars in waste, fraud and abuse in Iraq a ‘waste of time.’ We call billions spent in no-bid contracts to Halliburton a waste of money,”
Pelosi than snapped her fingers, called Laura Bush a trollop and referred to the Bush daughters as open-legged tarts!
The African nation of Chad brought abduction and fraud charges against 16 Europeans accused of kidnapping 103 children from the Darfur region. The French and Spanish people snatchers are accused of using sweets and biscuits to lure children away from their villages.
You know, I'd expect this from the French, Lord knows, they couldn't kidnap adults and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the French nearly surrendered to the children on a few occasions as a force of habit. But the Spaniards? For shame.
A new feature on suddenlystruttin "Problems With My Apartment" is intended to be a forum for me to bitch, moan and lament the many faults of my apartment. You as the wonderful readers of suddenlystruttin should feel compelled to completely ignore this new feature or comment, love and above all else worship this new feature.
Problem #1: The dumb woman who lives with her grown son in the apartment behind mine. When I say, "dumb" I do not mean unintelligent I mean that she cannot speak. She's one-third the woman Helen Keller was and is fully annoying to me. I hate to sound like a real asshole [Really? -Ed.] but this person for far too long has scared the holy bejesus out of me. My landlord made no mention of my bedroom wall sharing a common wall with the rear aparment and definitely said nothing of the freakish mute/dumb old crone who lives in the rear apartment. My first night in the new apartment (May 1, if I recall) I was awoken at 3:20 in the fucking AM by some of the most terrifying and guttural noises ever managed by an "alleged" human vocal chord. Convinced that there was a monster of unknown origin lurking somewhere in the wall behind my bed; I, armed with a pitchfork and torch, stayed up the rests of the night fighting off slumber all for the sake of Vigilance Against Monsters. The next day I called my landlord:
Me:"Hey Anthony, is there a monster in this building?" Landlord:"What are you talking about?" Me:"Yeah, something was making awful sounds at around 3:30 in the morning, any ideas?" Landlord:"Can you be a little more descriptive?" Me:"Well, it sounded like an animal being tortured but more guttural." Landlord:"It could be the mute in the back." Me: "Excuse me? Did you say, 'mute in the back?'" Landlord:"Yeah, a mute woman lives in the rear apartment with her adult son who helps her out." Me: "Uh huh, yeah, so, you didn't want to tell me that my bedroom shares a wall with the rear apartment's bedroom, and that in said bedroom lurks a monstrously voiced woman?" Landlord:"I guess it slipped my mind." Me:"Thanks, well, I gotta go."
Since that fateful conversation the lexical cacophony has not ceased nor even diminished and most mornings between 3:30 and 6:30 I'm awakened by a fit of vomiting consonants, grunts and cries. It'd be so much funnier if this person suffered from Tourettes but as is, the humor has evaporated from this situation and I only grow more tired, annoyed and above all else bothered by her early morning fits.
Happy Monday! If the reality of another work week starting wasn't enough to bring you down, then reading this review of the weekend that was in Big Ten Country should do the trick. I'm still hungover from going to two too many Halloween parties, I was Julius Caesar and like any good Roman Emperor for Life I had to revel with the fervor of Bacchus.
My life! Stricken down by my oldest friend, alas, "Et tu, High Life?"
In any case, on with the review of football...
Wisconsin 33 Indiana 3 "Uh, hi, Wisconsin, thanks for joining the rest of us." UW's defense after taking most of this season off from the whole concept of "effort," has shown up the past two weeks. It's one thing to mercilessly pound the snot out of MAC also ran, Northern Illinois, but the Badgers suffocated an Indiana team that had hitherto been rather good at offense. James Hardy was shut out from the endzone for the first time all year! against UW's secondary which is a head scratcher. Pajamas Hill went out with an injury and his backup, affectionately, known as "Home Jersey," thanks to his house arrest won't be playing in Columbus. Does not bode well for Bucky and crew. More on that later this week.
Illinois 28 Ball State 17 Congrats to the Zookster and his Fightin' Illini, Illinois is now heading for a bowl game for the first time since 2001 and only their third bowl game in the past 13 seasons. Ball State sorta didn't suck in this game and kept it pretty close for a lot longer than I'm sure the Illini Nation would've liked.
Iowa 34 Michigan State 27 Still not certain how Iowa managed to wrack up double digit points total, let alone a tally that got out of the low teens. But, uhh, hmm, well, Michigan State should really work on their defense. That's what I think, seriously, how do you give up 34 to Iowa? We are talking about the 2007 Iowa offense, the offense that's currently the fifth worst offense in the country, right? Good, cause for a minute I thought I was in some Bizzaro universe where Iowa was good at scoring points.
Purdue 35 Team Slumpbuster 17 This game was really entertaining for a half and then Purdue's offense went into overdrive as it is wont to do against inferior opponents. Credit's due for Northwest...err, Team Slumpbuster for scheming up an awesome hook and ladder play that they tied the game with in the second quarter. Good work! Please, if you need gimmick plays to score points, do so!
Michigan 34 Minnesota 10 Michigan stomped the life out of a pathetic Minnesota team, blah blah blah blah... I tell ya, this Michigan crushing everybody in the Big Ten is getting quite rote and it's not boding well for the conference if the Wolverines DO in fact win the Big Ten.
Ohio State 37 Paterno State 17 Well, that wasn't very close was it? Ohio State steamrolled another opponent in what should've been a challenging environment. I still don't think OSU is that good, but until someone shows up and can actually challenge them they'll keep getting their D's essed by the media, looking at tOSU's schedule the only team I can forsee slowing them down is Michigan. As for Penn State, fuck you! This team has been terrible all year long with their only "marquee" wins being over a toothless and witless Notre Dame squad and a Wisconsin team that's more up and down than Robert Downey Jr. on a bender. Somewhere in Happy Valley the Nittany Lion's cold and dead black eyes are crying and there's nothing that can be done.
Sorry about the lack of postings this week, real life was calling non-stop all week and I wasn't even in Chicago, nope, I was in Ohio with a painfully slow wifi signal to deal with. Next week should be a return to normal with plenty of "hilarious" stories and irreverent sports writing. If you haven't already, please, take a look at my team preview on hoopsblogging .
Well, Halloweekend is upon us all once again, and with that comes the inevitable slutty outfits of normally modest, church going young women ...cough...yeah, right...cough...
"I feel like eating in tonight."
More importantly? well, pertaining to college football at least, Halloweekend typically affords the cream to rise, and even in this season's, generously described, "down" Big Ten Conference there are a number of important games.
Indiana vs. Wisconsin, noon EST, Big Ten Network. Kellen Lewis and James Hardy should thrash UW's beleaguered secondary. The real question will be, whether or not IU's defense can slow down PJ Hill. I doubt it. Wisconsin with the win holds out slim hope for a New Year's Day bowl invite and the Hoosiers need to wait another week for a crack at six wins and bowl eligibility. Indiana 17 Wisconsin 27
Michigan State vs. Iowa, noon, ESPN2 The Hawkeyes have been showing some vague signs of life the past few weeks and their defense has been "goodish" all year long. MSU's offense is most impressive and viewers have got a good chance at witnessing Javon Ringer pop off another 100 yard day. Iowa's offense will be forced to keep up with Michigan State, not a good proposition. Michigan St. 31 Iowa 21
Minnesota vs Michigan, 3:30 ESPN Classic, really? Two years ago Minnesota, incredibly, beat Michigan at the Big House in Ann Arbor. Suffice it to say, that's an impossibility this time around. Upon saying that I fully expect karma to kick my idiot ass and have the Gophers "shock" the Wolverines. Minnesota 13 Michigan 27
Ohio State vs. Penn State, 8:00, ABC Morelli sucks too much and the Buckeyes' defense is well-nigh impregnable. Two years ago in a slightly different scenario (Michael Robinson in lieu of Anthony Morelli) the Nittany Lions defensive line wreaked havoc in OSU's backfield all night. Not happening this time, sorry Rudy. Ohio State 31 Penn State 13
Chad of Hoopsblogging fame was kind enough to publish another one of my NBA team previews for his site. This time it's the Golden State Warriors, and, I tell ya, you'll never meet a more hilarious bunch of lovable misfits!
P.F. Diehl of dport7 fame just headed out for O'Hare and Brooklyn, NY. Hedonism is only a vague and, ultimately, inaccurate way to describe what was experienced in Chicago this weekend. Details follow, I cannot corroborate the accuracy of these events and, yes, my head is killing me, that's simply the price you pay for fun.
Weekend Rundown
Friday:
11:00 am. Paul arrives. We go to Threadless, where I copped the freshest tee I've bought in years. Let me also give a shout out to the gorgeous sales girl. "Stalking" is such an ugly term, I like to think of what we have as a one-sided and persistent fondness.
12:30 pm. Hot Doug's where we gorged on the most delicious sausages available - no homo! I went with the succulent pheasant sausage with cheese-stuffed sweet peppers. Paul nabbed the BLT sausage. It looked good.
1:30 pm. Let the drinking commence! Strut into the Bob Inn and after four hours, indeterminate amount of beers, and eight? [Presumably eight, we're not entirely sure.-Ed.] shots later, strut on out. Seriously, we were the only customers the bartender, Kristen had for the first hour and a half. Her to us, "If I'm getting drunk at my job, you guys are getting drunk with me." Malort, Jaeger, Beam all shot down and all gratis. Thanks!
5:30 pm. New bar. Somehow we're still up and able to ride our bikes. Bike lock "somehow" got "broken" between bars. Transsexual bartender graciously allows us to bring bikes in bar. More beers, more shots. Paul burned his finger playing with matches and a nurse next us at the bar wrapped some ice in a bag and, in general, was far too concerned with his pinky's well-being. I suggested that he "clean the sand out" and continue on with the drinking. The nurse felt otherwise.
-Time Indeterminate- Taqueria on Kimball and Armitage. Dinner/Burrito fight.
Burrito fight? Heed the advice of a foppish, pink mountain lion and exit post haste.
-Time Indeterminate- At the suggestion of a fellow sot we, after, "Exit, Stage Left." from the taqueria went to his house and indulged in other substances. Paul then passed out at friends house for the next 13 hours.
-Time Indeterminate- With Paul passed out, the remaining members of our adventursome burrito dinner and I marched to one of the many Logan Square speakeasies. I, in my altered state of mind, felt that the best course of action was to act like I was deaf around some awful women, who were waaaay to fucking adamant about me dancing with them. And as an aside, why is it that only the nastiest women ever have the gall to actually approach a dude about dancing? or doing shots? or ... it boggles the mind. In any case the "Plan: Act Deaf!" worked for about five minutes. [Ed. You can't actually listen to what they're saying. You're supposed to be deaf! Imbecile!] Brain ceased to function shortly after that exchange.
Mind still reeling from Saturday ... Pumpkins were carved. Beer, shots, going to sleep at six am. Taqueria without burrito fights. That sounds about right.
Updating is gonnna be waaaaay spotty this weekend. In fact, let's just say, Tony Ritz is taking the weekend off to get a lil crazy with the Hall and Oates vinyls, white wine and chewing tobacco. Why? Cause the mad design genius behind dport7.com and long time suddenlystruttin supporter Paul is in the City of Chicago. Look out Mayor Daley, we're gunnin' for you.
Women lock yourselves up and save your father/husband/boyfriend the trouble!
Details and photos, inevitably to follow on this site and dport7.com
The Big Ten schedule, in spite of itself, only quasi-sucks this weekend. At first glance, it may seem like, "Huh! Another full load of pachyderm-quality crap games." But if you look closer at that heaping stack of elephant dung, there are in fact some fascinating things occurring. Much like the African dung beetle, for instance, Penn State @ Indiana offers a glimpse at the Herculean tasks that everyone, be they beetle or Hoosier, must face everyday. In honor of this momentous non-step backwards for the conference, I offer drink suggestions and factual analysis/predictions.
Northwestern @ Eastern Michigan, 7:00 pm, EST. ESPN U Shouldn't you be out to dinner with friends, or out at a bar for Happy Hour, hitting on your choicest of co-workers? If you happen to be out at a bar and glance at the score of this game, that's understandable. Otherwise, do yourself a favor and avoid this game. Regarding the game itself; hey, sometimes a pony gets depressed and sometimes Team Slumpbuster needs to bust their own slump.
Prediction: Team Slumpbuster 34 Eastern Michigan 21
Suggested Drinks: As already mentioned you should be at a bar. Do what you normally do on a Friday night and drink until you've got enough confidence loss of inhibitions to talk to a person of the opposite sex.
Paterno State vs Indiana, 12:00 pm, EST, ESPN Indiana's offensive juggernaut versus Paterno State's defensive goliath. James Hardy and Kellen Lewis should still get theirs but I expect PSU's defensive line is going to be waaaaay too much for Indiana. Unless Morelli finds a way to, well, "Morelli" things up for the Nittany Lions, PSU should roll.
Prediction: PSU 27 Indiana 14
Suggested Drinks: This game is starting at 11 am out here in CST, so, I'll be, most likely, asleep. Let prudence be your guide.
North Dakota State vs Minnesota, 12:00 pm, Big Ten Network Woe to the Golden Gophers of Minnesota. They head into this weekend's tilt with the Bisons of NDSU as a 1-6 team that has been hemorrhaging points all season long, and sadly that trend will not stop on Saturday. The Bison should roll against Minnesota, in spite of their "cupcake" label. Of course, the BTN has this game picked up in the hope of capturing that vaunted Fargo-audience. Smart choice!
Prediction NDSU 35 Minnesota 20
Suggested Drinks: Minnesota fan: Arsenic on the rocks. NDSU fan: Moet, lots of Moet. Casual fan: Why bother?
Northern Illinois vs Wisconsin, 12:00 pm, EST, Big Ten Network Dollars to doughnuts says nobody knows who the Hell Justin Anderson is. Justin Anderson is the nation's sixth leading rusher and he happens to play for Northern Illinois. Wisconsin, happens to be the NIU Huskies opponent this weekend. UW, also happens to be surrendering 162 yards of rushing per game and for three straight weeks have allowed a 100 yard rusher. I'm not saying UW, with a very vulnerable defense and a completely incompetent offense will lose; but, I am saying UW will have a very difficult time. And that Justin Anderson will make it extremely nerve-wracking for the Badger faithful in attendance at Camp Randall.
Prediction: No. Illinois 17 UW 23
Suggested Drinks Whiskey and Coke, plenty of them. Whiskey to desensitize and Coke for caffeine's rejuvenating qualities.
Iowa vs Purdue, 12:00 pm, EST, ESPN 2 Upon being destroyed by the menacing defenses of Ohio State and Michigan in consecutive weeks The Boilermakers- point a minute offense of earlier this season, is nothing but a faint memory. Purdue now returns home from Ann Arbor to face an increasingly competent appearing Iowa squad, that has another stout defense. Curtis Painter will be spending some QT with his chiropractor after this game, unless, of course! Joe Tiller has somehow smuggled in the o-line of the New England Patriots. Iowa's offense, well, they might score a touchdown. I mean, they are averaging 16.3 points a game, they have to get at least one TD and that should be enough.
Prediction: Iowa 13 Purdue 10
Suggested Drinks: Follow Sea Bass' lead:
"Make it four Boilermakers."
Michigan State vs Ohio State With this game the "#1" team in the country, the Buckeyes, begins in earnest it's quest to get back to the national title game. They've faced no offense as talented nor as deep as MSU's and the only one that comes remotely close, Purdue, was shut out for 59:10 of the game. Team Choke Artist needs to approach this game, and think, "Let's keep it close." Although, Javon Ringer should pop off a few nice runs. Of course, the last time Team Choke Artist showed up in Columbus, it was the beginning of the end for John L. Smith and the beginning of the Buckeyes run at domination. Honestly, tOSU could very well be looking forward to their game @ Penn State next week. Time will tell.
Different Coach, Same Team
Prediction: John L. Smith Memorial Team 21 Ohio State 34
Suggested Drink: Coors Light and 'Tussin Mixer. Only one drink can match the mayhem, nerves and fear that is Columbus on gameday. Tip your pharmacist upon buying the Robitussin, they'll get it.
Michigan vs Illinois As it is Lloyd versus the Zookster is a fairly comical coaching match up and of course, the powers that be would never allow Zook and Carr to star in their own sit com. [Ed's Note: Damn the man, sir!] But, oh, the mischief and capers those scamps would get into!
Scene: Lloyd: "Now Ron, you remember that I've invited Michigan bursars over for dinner. Did you pick up that pork roast like I asked you to?"
Ron: "Oh Lloyd! I completely forgot, and besides, tonight's the night I've got tickets for Aerosmith."
Lloyd: "ZOOOKSTER! I've had it to up here with your hijinks!"
Ron: "Aww, take a chill pill, what are you on the rag? I hope the Zookster's sizzlin' hot date sure ain't havin' a visit from the old Aunty Flo. Y'know what I mean, highfive!"
Lloyd: "ZOOOOKSTER!"
Where was I? Oh yeah, yeah, the game: Illinois meet Reality. Reality meet Illinois. Michigan will run all over the Fightin' Illini. Mike Hart, who should be a legitimate Heisman candidate with his stats will punish Illinois' entire defensive front seven.
Prediction:Michigan 35 Illinois 17
Drink Suggestion: Lloyd's of the world will prefer: a strong Tanqueray and Tonic. Zookster's of the world will crave: Killian's Red.
Sorry about the extremely late updating this "morning." I was having technical difficulties with something called "Wiffy" or "Wi-Fi"? I don't know.
What I do know is that the poll is closed and that in an extremely narrow decision the Yays defeated the Nays by a vote of one. What this means for you, the dedicated reaader of suddenlystruttin, is that I'll hopefully have some "great" "content" pertaining to more agonizing dating experience. What it means for me, Tony Ritz, is exposing myself to, potentially, awesome STIs. Shots: Updated!
Sports Thursday should be coming along in a little bit, and tomorrow, we'll, hopefully, be having a special guest blogger to comment on the Cleveland Indians game tonight.
Also, before that tricky and invisible wizardry know as "Wiffy" went all haywire, I updated the blog roll, please, peruse, click and read. Everyone on that list is much better than this site.
Slow and boring news week thus far. Al Gore doesn't want to run for President again and, hmmm, that's sorta it. C'mon celebrities, do something stupid and dangerous. And where are all the shark attacks and reports of rednecks dangling babies over freeways? In any case here's some "interesting " "news" from the Internets.
Best Buy to discontinue Analog TVs Yeah, so, if you don't have a digital television yet, you might want to get on that. [Editor's note: "Uhh, sir, we don't have a digital tv yet.] Although something tells me that by the time the Mutant Wars of 2015 have taken out a third of the US population, those mutants will have raided an old analog broadcast station to send their message of "peace" to the masses.
Hardee's announces Gigantic Breakfast Burrito! Can you say "Eggs"-treme? Do you crave a breakfast burrito jam packed with muscle building proteins and fats? Do you scoff at Denny's Lumberjack Slam and say "I want more! "Well, friend, somebody heard you, and that "somebody" was Hardee's. The fast-food chain has announced the debut of their new 920 calorie breakfast burrito, the burrito harbors a staggering 60 grams of fat and is loaded with: 2 eggs, sausage, bacon, ham, hash browns and country gravy all wrapped in a flour tortilla. Your brain will say "Gimme." and your gut will say "Thanks."
"Chicago could use a casino!" Politicos and lawmakers alike are debating the feasibility of a casino in the City of Broad Shoulders, I, for one, am all for it. I mean, when, in the course of humankind has a casino been a bad idea? What? No sports gambling!?! This is an outrage!
Thanks to dogtownsurfer for the inspiration on this post. And, people, for realz! check his blog out!
Ten Things I Like To Do:
-Make up lies about being Jewish. -Think up new terms for boobs. -Be mean to people I don't like, or pretend they aren't even there. -Say "no" to entirely reasonable requests because I don't feel like doing said request. -Watch clips of "arrested development" on youtube. -Plot elaborate schemes of vengeance against those who have wronged me. -Leave meager tips for waiters and waitresses when they make minor fuck ups. -Leave extremely long, winding and, ultimately, pointless voicemails. -Ignore or delete voicemails without listening to them. -Bump into long-forgotten former flings at late night bars in Chicago, to wit:
Saturday night after a vigorous drinking session at a friend's birthday party I headed over to The Continental, which is a late night. *For those not in the know, Chicago's bars normally close at 2:00 on weekdays and 2:30 on weekends. You need a special license to stay open past those hours. The city is not very forthcoming with these licenses and the 4 am bars are seedy, Bacchanalian venues that cater to one's lowest impulses.* In any case, a friend and I found ourselves at Continental and were continuing our journey into the Realm of Drunk when I heard an excited "Tony!" and I turned to see who it could be. "No Shit!" says my drunk brain, "it's fuckin' Tawny.*" In any case, Tawny was very drunk and very excited to see me. After a few exchanged pleasantries and a few more libations I ended up walking her back to her apartment and tucking her in for the night, uhh, at like 5:30 in the morning. Before I left she insisted that I give her my number. People what I'm wondering is, should I stay in touch with this person? Here are the Pros and Cons:
Pros
-Girl's body is banging, straight bangin! She's got the whole Kim Kardashian hover-booty goin on, whilst sporting a proportionally more manageably-sized ass.
-Packs fun like it's goin' outta style. Once challenged me to a game of strip Ping Pong, claimed to be "handicapping" herself by removing her top before the game started. Suffice to say, I lost the game but ended up being a winner all the same.
-Has an extremely low self-esteem.
Cons
-Before our coincidental rendezvous at the bar on Saturday night, I'd noticed her on the street like a year earlier and, well, let's just say her weight possibly fluctuates like the tide in the Bay of Fundy.
-Never has struck me as the sharpest knife in the drawer.
-Has an extremely low self-esteem.
In any case, in accordance with the democratic process of suddenlystruttin, y'all the readers can vote on whether I should call her or not. Heck, maybe (more than likely) I'll write about any dates with her.
Hey everybody, Faith over @ This Suit Is Not Black has a really good interview with the ex-girlfriend of Barry Bonds. Most of you don't like reading about sports, but it's a Grrrreat interview. Check that tip like Colombo!
And, we're back for the enthralling conclusion to this week's edition of "Weekend Wrap Up."
Purdue 5-2
Preseason/Early Season Hopes After running up the score on an early season schedule that was softer than Snuggle Bear, pundits and fans alike were buying into the incredible numbers that Purdue's offense were putting up and were clamoring for Purdue to be a "darkhorse" Big Ten title chaser.
Ugly Midseason Reality The past two weeks The Boilermaker faithful have had Stealers Wheel, "Stuck in Middle With You" on repeat considering the torture they've bore witness to, courtesy of OSU and Michigan. After confronting two quasi-legitimate defenses the Boilermakers have folded like a card table and their fans are left to ponder the reality of their team being as threatening as a puppy and the possibility of missing a bowl game.
DEBATE: Purdue or Puppy, who's more menacing?
Indiana 5-2
Preseason Hype How will this team respond after their coach died?
Midseason Reality Startling well! Indiana has already won more games this season than it did last year. Uber-wideout, James Hardy continues his silent but deadly assault on Big Ten secondaries, for those of you not in the know, Hardy is putting up some otherworldly figures-not quite Crabtree digits, but still, incredible.
Prediction Middling Bowl Game. Monument erected in James Hardy's form.
Paterno State 5-2
Preseason Hopes BCS or Bust! Steel trap defense locks everybody down. Morelli matures into a capable and talented "game manager."
Midseason Reality PSU is just another mediocre Big Ten squad, tied at 2-2 in the race "for not last place" that the conference has devolved into at this point in the season.
Michigan 5-2
Preseason Hopes National Title, destruction to all that cross their path.
Midseason Reality After, ahem, this and after this Michigan still is in perfect position to win the Big Ten title.
Prediction Of course Michigan will win the Big Ten.
Another weekend of Big Ten football games washed away like so many sand castles along the shores of Lake Michigan; and with the midway point of the season upon us, I felt it was an opportune time to discuss and reflect upon the hopes that teams may have had and the realities they are now forced to live with. Onward!
Wisconsin, 5-2 Preseason Hope:
A run at the National Championship game and at worst a "mere" appearance in the Rose Bowl as the Big Ten representative. Wisconsin would live up to its mascot's reputation as a cunning, aggressive and opportunistic omnivore. They would raid the tents of their Big Ten opposition and , indeed, be "scoffin ur foods" and at the same time crushing their opponent's will to live.
Midseason Reality
A mere two weeks ago UW was still undefeated, undeniably a shaky undefeated, but still undefeated. After two straight losses to Illinois and Paterno State and with tilts against Michigan and Ohio State still to come the Badgers need to re-evaluate their space in existence. Instead of manifesting the irascible nature of their mascot's temperament, UW has instead, focused on the cuddly and non-threatening images that are connoted upon merely glancing at the cartoon pirate badger that MS Paint hath wrought.
Prediction "Avast! Set sail for adventure on the placid and middling seas of Tampa for a date in the Outback Bowl. Yarr, and save me a Bloomin' Onion"
Illinois
Preseason Hopes none.
Midseason Reality Bound for a bowl game for the first time in half a decade. They still have to face Michigan and Ohio State, so, think more-Music City than Capital One.
Prediction Zook Fever! Catch It. I'm assuming that Zook is going to be teaming up with Dane Cook for some hott recruiting videos to capture more Rashard Mendenhalls and Juice Williams. Not sure if Illinios' immediate future is quite at Timbuk 3 levels yet, but it's looking better and better.
Ohio State
Preseason Hope Big Ten title, Rose Bowl berth, Silencin' the haters after their abysmal showing against Florida last January.
Midseason Reality Shockingly, Ohio State is number one in the first BCS rankings and haven't played a single quality opponent. Big Ten title and National Title berth are completely within Tressel's grasp. Will have to beat Penn State, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan and of those four only the Wolverines are sizing up as a "threat."
"I ain't a mad rapper, I'm just an emcee wit' a temper."
Prediction Inevitably, tOSU will lose at least one game and probably go to the Rose Bowl as the Big Ten Champ. Could slip to a BCS at-large team, but I don't really see them not going to the Rose, unless disaster strikes.
Chad over at hoopsblogging was kind enough to publish my team preview for the Orlando Magic. Presumably, Chad was really desperate for hack writers and I'm still hoping he goes all "Zeke" on me. Feel free to click on over to hoopsblogging and ch-ch-check it out!
*******UPDATE******* I just found out that I win something if enough people go to hoopsblogging and leave intelligent and reasonable comments. Hurry up and go, comment like the wind!
Holy Fuck! This weekend's bill of Big Ten games is terrible, dead puppies terrible, demilitarized zone terrible! Minnesota @ Northwestern? Kent State @ Ohio State? Pass the poison, cuz it's gonna take a lot of "grandpa's cough syrup" to watch this shit. In honor of how dis-spiriting these games are, I'm grading each match with an estimate of how much you'll have to drink to stomach the chaotic and nausea-inducing "competition" on your TV screen.
Noon EST. Big Ten Network, Kent State vs. #3 Ohio State: Fancy yourself a real early-riser and a real early drinker? Saddle up to the Bloody Marys and forgo the tomato juice, horseradish, and other bits that you might be tempted to "filter" that powerful vodka with. Pour yourself a tall one and get bleary-eyed quickly. Drinks til Watchable: 5.5
"Make it a double. No, a triple! and keep 'em coming!"
Noon EST. ESPN2, #18 Illinois vs. Iowa: Indulge in a six pack of Capital Brewery's Autumnal Fire, 8.5% by Vol. or Bell's Two Hearted Ale 7.0% by Vol. and relish the great flavor at the same time as you relish watching Rashard Mendenhall punish Iowa's defense. Drinks til Watchable: 1.5-2
Noon EST. Mercifully, not televised, Minnesota vs. Northwestern: Do shots of tequilla until you pass out and then wake up three hours later. Drinks til Watchable: Infinity
Noon EST. Big Ten Network, Purdue vs. Michigan: A humdrum affair. Obviously watchable if you care passionately about either team. For the casual fan, I recommend Boilermakers, duh, and lots of them. Gather some friends and make a drinking game out Lloyd Carr's patented visage of contempt blended with aloofness. Drinks til Watchable: 3
Whiskey and Beer, two great tastes that go great together!
3:30 EST. ABC, #19 Wisconsin vs. Paterno State*: Hey, look! Two stodgy Big Ten offenses are lining up against each other, hooray! Yes, these two teams will be battling it out in Monty Python "Twit of the Year Fashion," as neither squad's all that good. Penn State's defense is actually kinda good, so PJ Hill could possibly be contained. Fortunately, for UW fans, in spite of Wisconsin's atrocious defense, PSU's QB sucks even more! Drinks til Watchable: 3
7:00 EST. Big Ten Network, Indiana vs. Michigan State: This haas the potential to be the most exciting Big Ten game of the week as both teams are, y'know, good at offense and bad, soooo bad, at defense. I recommend a light ale as you ease yourself into your own comfort zone with Lady Libation as your companion. Drinks til Watchable: 2
* Oh, our bet is so on, Rudy! Two pitchers of beer to the winner. PSU=Road Rage and Incompetence! Your team is "teh sux!"
This weekend's Big Ten schedule is looking weaker than normal, so, while I'm steeling myself for another ardurous weekend of crappy football watching, please amuse yourself with these other sports related links:
Baseball
I don't care about baseball but I feel compelled to at least mention the playoffs, seeing as, 1) The Cleveland Indians are still in it, and, I, apparently have some vested interest in their success because I'm from northern Ohio. 2)The Indians have already disposed of one half of the The Great New England Douchebag Fan Base simply by defeating the Yankees. Now they can pull off the sweep by eliminating the Boston Red Sox. With that in mind here is some artwork I made:
Yeah, I just found out about LOL" " so, yeah, expect a lot of these over the next few weeks.
Apparently, there is an entire other "league" in baseball known as the "National League" and they also have baseball playoffs going on right now. Crazy, I know. Evidently, the winners of the "National League" and the American League compete in something called the "World's Bowl" or something.
NBA News and Notes
Baron Davis, aka: Boom Diddy, aka: iBoom, aka: Sir Lay PipesAlot. has a blog! Nothing ground breaking, it's just fairly humorous and et cetera.
Okay, that's it for now. I'm trying to get up the gumption to "analyze" the Big Ten this weekend.
Thanks to the magnificent withleather for pointing this out. I know most of you jerks, wonderful readers hate reading about sports. But, well, you should read withleather.
Here at suddenlystruttin we care about our readership and want you to be as well-informed as possible. We take the time to dig up the relevant and/or inane of the Internets. Read, comment and above all else, be informed! Love, the staff of suddenlystruttin.
Oh sure, when I don't show up for work for two weeks, because I didn't tell my superiors I was smoking a lot of opium and getting "my life straight" I get fired. But when this guy doesn't show up for two weeks he gets to "resign." Man, fuck politicians.
Jack Bauer to face 48 days in jail. I don't understand how a real American hero such as Jack Bauer couldn't possibly have received a Presidential pardon; I mean, how's a twice-convicted drunk driver like Jack Bauer s'posed to save the free-fucking-world from terror when he's behind bars? He can't, that's how.
It's Fire Prevention Week! Remember: Stop, Drop, and Roll. Especially when this friendly firelady is trying to get you out of a burning building.
By now, you, the lovely readers, of suddenlystruttin know about my misadventures in the realm of internet dating. After the dust settled from those god-awful experiments and thanks to some wanton craving for the company of the fairer sex I, unbelieveably, nay, foolhardily posted a missed connection on craigslist about rather a fetching lass I saw out and about.
Karmic Retribution, or the Fates merely toying with Tony Ritz and his affection for comely women? Time will tell.
In any case, the object of my posting stumbled upon the blasted missed connection and we're supposed to meet up. Stay tuned.
Record high temperatures were blamed for the cancellation of the 30th Chicago Marathon on Sunday. The invisible culprit was, naturally, global warming. Global warming the "theoretical" heating up of the Earth's surface and consequential alteration of the seasonal ebb and flow of temperature patterns, was unavailable for comment.
However, an attorney for the Industrial Age-induced phenomena was on the record as saying, "Until there's a smoking gun that directly connects my client with the cancellation of the Chicago Marathon and the tragic death of one of the participants therein, Global Warming will continue it's day-to-day erosion of the patterns of the natural world."
Global Warming, which has more and more found itself in the media's criticizing eye for such disasters as Hurricane Katrina and the consequent flooding of New Orleans, as well as, record temperatures across Continental Europe in 2004-has been connected to more and more disasters since it was first discussed openly in the late 20th Century. The President when told of the cancellation of the Chicago Marathon, was startled and outraged, remarking, "America does not negotiate with terrorists. Global Warming hates our way of life and our love of running," Bush later quipped, "I want to knock Global Warming out cold!"
In spite of more and more evidence suggesting that Global Warming is no flash-in the-pan, one trick pony there are still doubters and naysayers who challenge the very existence of the much maligned weather-related occurence. One prominent Chicago-based panhandler went so far on Sunday as to sport a clever sign stating his disbelief:
"Global Warming aint payin' me no mind nor no monies."*
Organizers of the marathon have no plans to cancel future marathons, assuming that, "these crazy temperatures can't last." Chicago native and hip hop megastar, Kanye West was on the record as saying, "Global Warming doesn't care about marathoners."
A spokeseperson for Global Warming revealed that the freakish force was planning a mild winter for most of the United States, while it was tormenting third-world nations in Africa with much-less rain than the already parched areas are typically used to.
"Global Warming doesn't care about Chicago or black people."
Another weekend come and gone and a few more frauds to the Big Ten crown have been revealed: Good-bye Purdue and Wisconsin. Ohio State, Illinois and Michigan, you're all still eligible to win the Big Ten! Granted, that's not as big of a deal as it sometimes is; it's more like winning the special Olympics this year, so even if you win, maybe keep it on the "DL."
"Man, I'm sooo high. What? We lost the game? We were playing in a game? You mean besides Madden '07?"
Illinois 31 Wisconsin 26 I was totally right about Illinois upsetting a ranked team for the second week in a row. Also, I was totally right about the Fightin' Illini scoring 31 points and was less than a touchdown away from correctly guessing the points total. Clairvoyance, bitches! Rashard Mendenhall, of course, dominated UW's gooey and nougat filled rush defense-also, as I totally predicted. Lo, and what's this? A relic from Tony's first attempt at a blog:
As for Wisconsin, it was a nice run while it lasted; and hey! Madison is still a much better college town than Urbana.
Ohio State 23 Purdue 7 As "totally right" as I was about the Illinois UW game. I was like, totally, totally wrong on the outcome of this. What was learned? Purdue's offense is a shill. Like "incredible land deals in Florida" that turn out to be primo real estate for egrets and alligators; Purdue's offense was hyped by slick con-men looking to make a fast buck/garner interest in Big Ten offense that is totally still "teh SUX." Meanwhile, tOSU's defense is still well-nigh invulnerable and have still only had one game where the opposition scored more than one touchdown. Most impressive, even upon considering whom they've played.
Indiana 40 Minnesota 20 Indiana only had to punt twice. James Hardy had 85 yards and one TD. I was totally right about this outcome and came within a touchdown of nailing the points total. Woot!
Northwestern 48 Michigan State 41 In a collision between Team Slumpbuster and Team Choke Artist, the Slumpbusters pulled it out in overtime. Northwestern's offense is slightly better than Michigan State's and both team's defenses are atrocious. Also, it seems as thought MSU doesn't need John L. Smith to choke away a lead or blow close games, who'd have thunk it?
Michigan 33 Eastern Michigan 22 Michigan enjoyed their bye week as they watched their non-starters and JV squad compete against Eastern Michigan's starters.
Paterno State 27 Iowa7 Don't let the score fool you. Morreli was still barely competent in throwing two picks to one touchdown and 233 yards. For PSU fans, at least Austin Scott was barred from entering the stadium.
Nittany Lions excel on the field and in the classroom.
My sincerest regrets to friends Noelle, Paul & Paul, you guys are great fans of baseball and it's not really your fault that you're stuck cheering for the Cubs. That being said, I'm soooo happy that the Cubs have been swept out of the playoffs. In 2003 I was living with one of the most troglodytic and sloven individuals I've ever met, who also happened to be a Cubs fan, and as we all know the Cubs made it to the NLCS and we're, like, 5 outs from winning the Super Bowl of baseball or something. In any case, Lord Supreme Jackass roommate got really upset after the Cubs lost the Super Bowl to the Florida Marlins and threw the television set thru a brick wall and then ate one of our other roommates. Since moving to Chicago I've had no good interactions with Cubs fans. As near as I can tell they're all drunker than the Irish and don't even care about baseball, which, I'm fine with, I don't care about baseball either. The difference is that I don't also act like a douche bag [Ed Note: Careful, Tony Ritz, Caaareful.] and order "five more Coors for me and my rad bros!" Fuck the Cubs fans. That's what I'm saying.
"Scotch? Not tonight, Gunga Din. Please just pour me a glass of warm milk, I'm going to retire to my library for the evening and read about the Vandals and Visigoths."
Suddenlystruttin Salutes...
"Tell me where the Uncanny X-Men #24 is!"
Tom Katers, who spent the past 24 hours doing a podcast for his omniscient comic blog/podcast Around Comics. Sir, I salute you! You can go all "Jack Bauer" with a 24 hour span of time and save the world or you can go all "Tom" and talk about comics for 24 hours. Good work.
LeBron James. Uhh, dude, are you sure it's smart to be the public face of your hometown basketball franchise and sport the competitor's hat? Even as a marginal baseball fan and native Ohioan I know enough to loathe the Yankees and (sorta) cheer for the Indians. Next time the Cavs come to Chicago I'm totally not hanging out with LeBron and when he txts me with like, "Broseph, where u @?" I'll be all like, "Pshh, whatev, me and my fly girls be all up in Le Passage and your skeez ass isn't even invited." Then I'll snap my fingers and get all sassy like Gina from Martin.
Honorable Mention
Coffee shops that charge for refills. I'm a huge cheapskate but always make a point of tipping coffee store folks at least 75 cents to a dollar. It's a crappy job and you've gotta deal with tool shed customers making innane chit-chat with you all day long. Do you know how annoying it is, upon tipping some coffee nerd, to have to pay 50 cents to 75 cents to get a refill? Well, it's kinda annoying and then I have all of this change in my pocket and it falls out when I'm doing acrobatic and death-defying maneuvers in my job as Liger tamer.
Sir, I salute you. First, earlier this past summer it was announced that you have sired nine children with different baby mommas, a feat alone that nominates you for Time's Man of The Year Award. And now, you're suing the NFL for trying to suspend your stoned ass, wrongfully accused self for one year. Why? All because you smoked a little too much pot. I think I speak for everyone when I say, "The world would be a much better place with more Travis Henry's out there." Yes sir, more Travis Henry and Shawn Kemps, exactly what this world needs!
Mad Props to dogtown surfer for name dropping the suddenlystruttin on his blog. Thanks! We've got like ten extra readers over here all wondering why they bothered. Seriously, read dogtown's blog, it's extremely funny and smart-ish sounding.
After the drudgery that was the slate of Big Ten games last weekend, this weekend's slate of games rewards us, the loyal viewers, with ...audible groan... more drudgery.
Eastern Michigan vs. Michigan Typically the flagship state institution never has any problems or issues when taking care of business with their smaller, directional-state university counter-parts. It's a dirty business: few questions are asked, the smaller schoool assumes the position and money is exchanged. Considering the Wolverines "struggles" earlier in the year, I imagine they'll be even more annoyed and prepared for this game than typical. It will be painful, messy and awful for Eastern Michigan and all they should do is think about the big pile of money they're getting paid. Michigan 41 Eastern Michigan 10
Northwestern vs. Michigan State The Spartans are coming off a sloppy loss in Madison, fortunately, Team Slumpbuster is rolling into town and just in time! Northwestern should really focus on keeping this one close, say, under three touchdowns. MSU 38 NU 14
Minnesota vs. Indiana Monsieurs Hardy and Lewis will continue to exploit undersized, slow secondaries this weekend as the charitably-described "rebuilding" Golden Gophers sidle into Bloomington. Hardy, who already has seven touchdowns, will be looking to add to his personal NFL scouts highlight video. Neither of these teams really believe in the concept of "defense", so it should be relatively high scoring and "funnish" to watch. Hoosiers 35 Minnesota 21
Wisconsin vs. Illinois I've been cringing at the prospect of this game since I saw the schedule, thinking to myself, "There's a loss for UW." Yes, after Paterno was "Zooked" last weekend, the Badgers are going to be the next victim for the coaching "genius" that is Ron Zook. Zook, who has the good-fortune of having the best running back that nobody's heard of, Rashard Mendenhall, will be riding Mendenhall and spread option QB extraordinaire, Juice Williams, to another victory against a ranked opponent. Ugh. Wisconsin 20 Illinois 31
Iowa vs. Paterno State Both Iowa and Paterno State come into this game coming off losses in consecutive weeks and neither really should relish at the prospect of 0-3 in conference and, "Hello, SunBowl!" Fittingly for this game both teams feature stout defenses and offenses that couldn't find their ass with a flashlight and a map. Will Anthony Morelli discover a new way to screw things up ? I doubt it. Iowa 10 Paterno State 21
"Yeah, that Morelli kid, I tell ya, He's the screen door in my submarine."
#4 Ohio State vs. #23 Purdue Every three or four years, Purdue's offense seems to be set to "retard-strength" levels similar to Bo Jackson's capabilites in Tecmo Bowl, but with passing as opposed to running. Well, this is another one of those years as the Boilermakers have yet to score fewer than 40 points in a game. Ohio State on the other hand has yet to give up more than two touchdowns in a game. Irrestible force. Meet. Immovable object. If this game were in Columbus there would be no doubt that tOSU would "Tresselball" their way to a victory. However, it's in West Lafayette, it's a night game and Ohio State always struggles at night and away from the 'Shoe. Purdue 28 Ohio State 23
Inevitable Notre Dame Watch
Notre Dame has opened up it's season with five straight losses a first in the history of the program. How many games can the Fightin' Irish lose in a row? At least one more because this weekend ND is at UCLA. The Bruins shall continue the miseries of the South Bend faithful.
It's Thursday again and that means, "Sports, Sports, Sports." Today, per usual, suddenlystruttin will be covering the upcoming Big Ten games for the weekend and additionally, a modestly expanded look at the games in other parts of the country.
Thursday Night's hors d'oeuvre
#8 Kentucky vs. #11 South Carolina This game is much less an appetizer and much more a true game. With the outcome having a larger impact on the SEC East race than the Tennessee vs Georgia match-up later in the weekend, it's true, look it up Cletus. In any case The Visored One, Steve Spurrier usually owns the Kentucky Wildcats. Meanwhile Kentucky's QB Andre Woodson usually owns the opposing team's secondary. My pick? Kentucky 31 SC 21.
Other non-Big Ten games that will be more entertaining than the Big Ten line up, sigggghhh
Kansas vs. #24 Kansas State "The sexiest pillow fight the Sunflower State could conjure," better live up to it's billing. I don't believe either of these teams has the ability to win the Big 12 North, let alone challenge Texas or Oklahoma, but then again K-State already beat Texas, guh? Kansas 17 Kansas State 28
#10 Oklahoma vs. #19 Texas The Red River Shootout doesn't carry as much relevance as it has in years past when it was a de facto National Title game or, at the least, a showcase of what Vince Young could do. Sadly, both the Sooners and Longhorns come into this game with a conference loss and only the matters of state pride and a potential million dollar pay out by making it to the BCS are on the line. Oklahoma 42 Texas 21
#9 Florida vs. #1 LSU According to this guy the LSU Tigers should have no problems whatsoever with The Florida Gators-Gators are relatives of Crocodiles. Tiger beats Crocodile, Anyone Should Know That. Thus, Tiger beats Gator.- Sadly, the battles between Man, especially, when rivalries and young men's emotions are involved are not nearly as clear-cut nor as predictable as the laws of Mother Nature and shitty Youtube videos. LSU has a much more powerful defensive line that should bottle up UF QB/Force of Nature Tim Tebow. LSU's offense is much better than Florida's defense. Thus, Florida 14 LSU 35.
You were expecting, maybe, a picture of Jason Giambi?
Around the corner from my apartment, right on California Avenue is a gigantic billboard poster for TBS announcing that, "The Playoffs Are the Tits!" or something like that. What's funny is that of the four players featured on the ad two of them are on teams that aren't even in the Playoffs. Yep, both the Braves and the Mets missed out on the post-season, so, I'm assuming somebody got fired for this SNAFU. Granted, nobody could've seen the Mets NOT making the playoffs when these posters were ordered, but the Braves? In any case, baseball will be on the fringe of my consciousness for a few more weeks. I guess, "Go Indians!" or wait, "Go Cubs?" "Go Both Teams?"
*Yes, I realize this post would've had a lot more zest and "synergy" had I actually snapped a photo of the offending advertisement, but I was tired and I do not own a digital camera. Also, I don't care about baseball and neither should you!
*New Poll up in the right column! Cavemen the tv show premieres tonight on ABC. Yes, the much criticized show that looks terrible and was inspired by this series of Geico commercials, finally will see the light of day, before rapidly being locked away in ABC's vault of flops and failures. But will you watch? I ask because at a party I was at this past weekend, the topic of how unfunny commercial to television shows typically are came up; and that if ABC had wanted to really get it right, they would have picked up the Geico "Tiny House" commercial.
Much funnier than Cavemen. But I'll still have the roast duck with mango salsa.
Posting very late this "morning," "Hello, noon!" But, that's just what happens when you spend your Sunday helping a friend move, trying to finish an article (didn't happen) and sneaking in a bbq/game of "Celebrities." For the minority of suddenlystruttin readership that actually cares about college football, I suggest reading Orson Swindle's take on this madcap weekend that was. To recap the Big Ten weekend stay tuned right here, because here's the the Big Ten recap:
Michigan 28 Northwestern 16 Michigan is still very much alive for a BCS berth and a Big Ten crown, which begs the question, "Does a team that lost to a D-1AA team deserve a BCS berth?" But that's neither here nor there, for now. Northwestern, meanwhile, after a few modest seasons of success earlier in the decade seems to be reacquainting itself with it's favored status as "slumpbuster" to the rest of college football. Heck, even, resident-ACC slumpbuster, Duke, got in on the hot Northwestern action earlier this year. Fret not NW fans you've still got academics and haughtiness to hold over the rest of us, lesser, Big Ten creatures.
Paterno State 20 Illinois 27 Mad props to myself for correctly predicting both the winning team and winning margin of victory in this one, woot! I was playfully chided, via text message, from a PSU backing friend of mine on Saturday morning with something along the lines of:
I can't believer u r picking Ron Zook & a QB named Juice to win!
Hours later and from the same PSU fan:
Shit fuck cock
Awwww, the powers of Anthony Morreli really must do wonders to PSU fans blood pressure levels.
Indiana 38 Iowa 20 Mad props to myself, again, for correctly predicting that Monsieurs Hardy and Lewis of Indiana's offense would burn up the air space directly above Kinnick Stadium in Iowa City as the Hoosies dropped 38! on a heretofore impressive Hawkeye defense. The Hawkeye offense, well, it still needs "a little bit of tweaking."
Ohio State 30 Minnesota 7 The Buckeye's defense is beginning to resemble more and more the constrictor-esque, life strangling capabilities of 2005 and 2002 editions of tOSU defensive squads. Tressel's boys are yielding the third fewest points per game and second fewest yards per game, in the nation. Minnesota, predictably, continues to go through a ton of growing pains in year one of their regime change from Mason to their current spread-happy coach.
Wisconsin 37 Michigan State 34 Thanks to some foolish and fortuitous Spartan penalties, the Badgers maintained the nation's longest winning streak. But, of their past six victories only one has been marginally inspiring and/or borderline dominant. Other than that, UW's wins have all been of the ugly and or lucky variety and sooner or later this is going to bite them in the ass. Right now, Wisconsin is the shakiest top ten team in all the land. As for Michigan State, well, they've got the Northwestern Slumpbusters this weekend, so, they're gonna be just fine.
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