Thanks to dogtownsurfer for the inspiration on this post. And, people, for realz! check his blog out!
Ten Things I Like To Do:
-Make up lies about being Jewish.
-Think up new terms for boobs.
-Be mean to people I don't like, or pretend they aren't even there.
-Say "no" to entirely reasonable requests because I don't feel like doing said request.
-Watch clips of "arrested development" on youtube.
-Plot elaborate schemes of vengeance against those who have wronged me.
-Leave meager tips for waiters and waitresses when they make minor fuck ups.
-Leave extremely long, winding and, ultimately, pointless voicemails.
-Ignore or delete voicemails without listening to them.
-Bump into long-forgotten former flings at late night bars in Chicago, to wit:
Saturday night after a vigorous drinking session at a friend's birthday party I headed over to The Continental, which is a late night. *For those not in the know, Chicago's bars normally close at 2:00 on weekdays and 2:30 on weekends. You need a special license to stay open past those hours. The city is not very forthcoming with these licenses and the 4 am bars are seedy, Bacchanalian venues that cater to one's lowest impulses.* In any case, a friend and I found ourselves at Continental and were continuing our journey into the Realm of Drunk when I heard an excited "Tony!" and I turned to see who it could be. "No Shit!" says my drunk brain, "it's fuckin' Tawny.*" In any case, Tawny was very drunk and very excited to see me. After a few exchanged pleasantries and a few more libations I ended up walking her back to her apartment and tucking her in for the night, uhh, at like 5:30 in the morning. Before I left she insisted that I give her my number. People what I'm wondering is, should I stay in touch with this person? Here are the Pros and Cons:
Pros
-Girl's body is banging, straight bangin! She's got the whole Kim Kardashian hover-booty goin on, whilst sporting a proportionally more manageably-sized ass.
-Packs fun like it's goin' outta style. Once challenged me to a game of strip Ping Pong, claimed to be "handicapping" herself by removing her top before the game started. Suffice to say, I lost the game but ended up being a winner all the same.
-Has an extremely low self-esteem.
Cons
-Before our coincidental rendezvous at the bar on Saturday night, I'd noticed her on the street like a year earlier and, well, let's just say her weight possibly fluctuates like the tide in the Bay of Fundy.
-Never has struck me as the sharpest knife in the drawer.
-Has an extremely low self-esteem.
In any case, in accordance with the democratic process of suddenlystruttin, y'all the readers can vote on whether I should call her or not. Heck, maybe (more than likely) I'll write about any dates with her.
* Tawny's totally her name, like, for sure.
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7 comments:
Being the proud owner of a larger lower half, you know, being round down tooooown, that makes me say go for it, call her, have some fun. whatev. But, I am not a fun of dumbasses nor am I am a fan of low self esteem. Loooooooooser.
So, one strike for, two strikes against. Your call. I voted yes in the poll though.
I also voted yes. This girl sounds like to much fun not to call. My advice would be to make sure you got all your shots before you see her again. Low selfesteem is long hand for the clap.
I vote yay - but like Paul said, make sure your shots are up to speed. Nothing wrong with a bit o fun as long as both sides understand that's what it is.
No, no, no. Bad idea. The only circumstance under which this should be permitted is if you sequister like a 6-month supply of drugs beforehand. Tawny = bad news.
Tony -
As a surfer, I have experience in the subject of tides and the one piece of advice I can give you is you have to learn when the tide is right and hit it then, and when the tide is wrong, well, don't push it, just find something else to do.
So, the way I see it, as long as the tide is out, wear that thing out, especially if she is as good looking as you say.
And, if you notice the "tide" starting to rise, well, paddle in and find another hobby...bro.
And thanks for the props, btw.
DTS
lol. I'm just laughing out loud here at my desk. I'm with JB on this one. Low self-esteem = clingy annoying crazy girl. I feel like she's not gonna go for "that" with no "this" (ref. Seinfeld when Jerry & Elaine sleep together) without some drama. Just one girl's opinion though!
Yes if the truth be known, in some moments I can say that I jibe consent to with you, but you may be considering other options.
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