Northwestern @ Eastern Michigan, 7:00 pm, EST. ESPN U Shouldn't you be out to dinner with friends, or out at a bar for Happy Hour, hitting on your choicest of co-workers? If you happen to be out at a bar and glance at the score of this game, that's understandable. Otherwise, do yourself a favor and avoid this game. Regarding the game itself; hey, sometimes a pony gets depressed and sometimes Team Slumpbuster needs to bust their own slump.
Prediction: Team Slumpbuster 34 Eastern Michigan 21
Suggested Drinks: As already mentioned you should be at a bar. Do what you normally do on a Friday night and drink until you've got enough
Paterno State vs Indiana, 12:00 pm, EST, ESPN Indiana's offensive juggernaut versus Paterno State's defensive goliath. James Hardy and Kellen Lewis should still get theirs but I expect PSU's defensive line is going to be waaaaay too much for Indiana. Unless Morelli finds a way to, well, "Morelli" things up for the Nittany Lions, PSU should roll.
Prediction: PSU 27 Indiana 14
Suggested Drinks: This game is starting at 11 am out here in CST, so, I'll be, most likely, asleep. Let prudence be your guide.
North Dakota State vs Minnesota, 12:00 pm, Big Ten Network Woe to the Golden Gophers of Minnesota. They head into this weekend's tilt with the Bisons of NDSU as a 1-6 team that has been hemorrhaging points all season long, and sadly that trend will not stop on Saturday. The Bison should roll against Minnesota, in spite of their "cupcake" label. Of course, the BTN has this game picked up in the hope of capturing that vaunted Fargo-audience. Smart choice!
Prediction NDSU 35 Minnesota 20
Suggested Drinks: Minnesota fan: Arsenic on the rocks. NDSU fan: Moet, lots of Moet. Casual fan: Why bother?
Northern Illinois vs Wisconsin, 12:00 pm, EST, Big Ten Network Dollars to doughnuts says nobody knows who the Hell Justin Anderson is. Justin Anderson is the nation's sixth leading rusher and he happens to play for Northern Illinois. Wisconsin, happens to be the NIU Huskies opponent this weekend. UW, also happens to be surrendering 162 yards of rushing per game and for three straight weeks have allowed a 100 yard rusher. I'm not saying UW, with a very vulnerable defense and a completely incompetent offense will lose; but, I am saying UW will have a very difficult time. And that Justin Anderson will make it extremely nerve-wracking for the Badger faithful in attendance at Camp Randall.
Prediction: No. Illinois 17 UW 23
Suggested Drinks Whiskey and Coke, plenty of them. Whiskey to desensitize and Coke for caffeine's rejuvenating qualities.
Iowa vs Purdue, 12:00 pm, EST, ESPN 2 Upon being destroyed by the menacing defenses of Ohio State and Michigan in consecutive weeks The Boilermakers- point a minute offense of earlier this season, is nothing but a faint memory. Purdue now returns home from Ann Arbor to face an increasingly competent appearing Iowa squad, that has another stout defense. Curtis Painter will be spending some QT with his chiropractor after this game, unless, of course! Joe Tiller has somehow smuggled in the o-line of the New England Patriots. Iowa's offense, well, they might score a touchdown. I mean, they are averaging 16.3 points a game, they have to get at least one TD and that should be enough.
Prediction: Iowa 13 Purdue 10
Suggested Drinks: Follow Sea Bass' lead:
"Make it four Boilermakers."
Michigan State vs Ohio State With this game the "#1" team in the country, the Buckeyes, begins in earnest it's quest to get back to the national title game. They've faced no offense as talented nor as deep as MSU's and the only one that comes remotely close, Purdue, was shut out for 59:10 of the game. Team Choke Artist needs to approach this game, and think, "Let's keep it close." Although, Javon Ringer should pop off a few nice runs. Of course, the last time Team Choke Artist showed up in Columbus, it was the beginning of the end for John L. Smith and the beginning of the Buckeyes run at domination. Honestly, tOSU could very well be looking forward to their game @ Penn State next week. Time will tell.
Different Coach, Same Team
Prediction: John L. Smith Memorial Team 21 Ohio State 34
Suggested Drink: Coors Light and 'Tussin Mixer. Only one drink can match the mayhem, nerves and fear that is Columbus on gameday. Tip your pharmacist upon buying the Robitussin, they'll get it.
Michigan vs Illinois As it is Lloyd versus the Zookster is a fairly comical coaching match up and of course, the powers that be would never allow Zook and Carr to star in their own sit com. [Ed's Note: Damn the man, sir!] But, oh, the mischief and capers those scamps would get into!
Scene: Lloyd: "Now Ron, you remember that I've invited Michigan bursars over for dinner. Did you pick up that pork roast like I asked you to?"
Ron: "Oh Lloyd! I completely forgot, and besides, tonight's the night I've got tickets for Aerosmith."
Lloyd: "ZOOOKSTER! I've had it to up here with your hijinks!"
Ron: "Aww, take a chill pill, what are you on the rag? I hope the Zookster's sizzlin' hot date sure ain't havin' a visit from the old Aunty Flo. Y'know what I mean, highfive!"
Lloyd: "ZOOOOKSTER!"
Where was I? Oh yeah, yeah, the game: Illinois meet Reality. Reality meet Illinois. Michigan will run all over the Fightin' Illini. Mike Hart, who should be a legitimate Heisman candidate with his stats will punish Illinois' entire defensive front seven.
Prediction:Michigan 35 Illinois 17
Drink Suggestion: Lloyd's of the world will prefer: a strong Tanqueray and Tonic. Zookster's of the world will crave: Killian's Red.
2 comments:
Brilliant as always. You've outdone yourself. Without you I would be sitting at a bar on Saturday, paralyzed with indecision and unable to order a drink.
sportz b boring. me likey, likey more postys 'bout birds. Example: What is your favorite bird? What is your favorite bird to bird watch? What is your favorite bird to eat? If you were watching birds how would you hide?
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