For anyone looking for the exciting conclusion to the Starbury legacy, I've got some sad and mundane news. Yep, 180,000 dollar fine and he shows up ready to play. In any case the "exciting conclusion" involved Starbury trying to find the ghost of Meadowlark Lemon and him ripping on Zeke for listening to "The Big Chill" Soundtrack. Onward with the predictions, it's the final week of the Big Ten and there are lots of stupid trophies to play for.
Retarded Trophies
Purdue vs Indiana, 3:30 pm EST, Big Ten Network Boilermakers and Hoosiers play for a bucket. We're talking Corky level retarded, but that's what you have to get excited about when either one of these teams is only bowl eligible every 4 or 5 years. Purdue 28 Indiana 35
Paterno State vs Michigan State, 3:30 pm EST, ABC Theoretically this game could rank higher, but c'mon! neither of these teams are rivals and they play for a fuckin' bell dubbed the "Land Grant Trophy" for Christ's sake. This game routinely has the drama and pageantry of a high school homecoming game. I can't even really blame Penn State, they came into the Big Ten in the early 90s and were looking for some games that could be scheduled every season, so, the Big Ten schedule makers say, "Hey, your university is a land grant established school, how about we team you up with Ohio State and Michigan State every year?" Paterno says sure, end of story. The real reason this game doesn't rank as high is because of the continual crappiness of MSU and how by mid October every season they've folded like a card table. That being said, I'm picking MSU to upset Penn State. MSU 28 PSU 17
Team Slumpbuster vs Illinois, 12:00 EST, ESPN Playing for a peace pipe, really? Wait, let me guess, the redskinned savage "culturally insensitive" mascot for Illinois brought it, right? For shame Northwestern, I would've hoped your haugty ways, high academic standards and complete lack of competitive athletic drive would've prevented you from dallying with such demeaning bric-a-brac and with a public institution no less! Illinois 38 Northwestern 24
"Me? 'Smoke'em peace pipe, I think rather not, Chief Runs-With-Coeds. Nay, this fine Cuban and a glass of port shall suffice."
Modestly non-Retarded Trophies
Wisconsin vs Michigan, 3:30 pm, EST, Big Ten Network Easily the most awesome trophy in the Big Ten, a five foot tall axe once owned by Paul Bunyan himself. The mythos and cultural connotations alone are all that this trophy needs to make it the most relevant. The Badgers and Gophers have faced off 117 times and very rarely has the game meant anything more than state bragging rights, still, the trophy is badass. Wisconsin 24 Minnesota 10
"I will slaughter you with my huge axe.
Big Ten Title bout
Ohio State vs Michigan, 12:00 EST, ABC Lloyd Carr's final season, Michael Hart, Chad Henne and Jake Long's final home game, I really don't see how UM loses this. Wait, yes I do! Henne's arm is attached with some vermicelli pasta and duct tape and Hart's -- as usual, dinged up. As much as I've discussed Michigan winning the Big Ten and how disgracefully fitting that would be for this vastly underwhelming conference with the injuries I can't see Michigan winning. If Hart and Henne are on the field it will be a different story. OSU 20 Michigan 17
As inexorably as the fall season shifts into winter, so goes the Big Ten conference and the collisions of her teams each weekend on the football field, winners and losers emerge and time marches forward. And just as the fall in it's inevitable march towards winter has it's arboreal display of fireworks, so to does the Big Ten offer its own display of gridiron explosives. This weekend we are treated to one such display as Tony Ritz's proud and flagging? alma mater does battle with Ohio State. Suddenlystruttin will be in attendance for that game and we're quite pumped to be headed for Columbus which has a gameday atmosphere most reminiscent of a carnival taking place in a demilitarized zone. "Drink this Coors Light and 'Tussin mixer and get ready for Ohio Fucking State Football!"
non-Big Ten Game of Note
Arizona State vs Oregon 6:40 pm, EST, ESPN: A rare nationally televised game for the strange West Coast product known as Pac 10 football. Arizona State and Oregon are decidedly "jacked" this season and I'm already drooling at the prospect of witnessing this game from the relative safety of a bar/bunker in the Hell on Earth that is Columbus after a game. The combined offensive production for these two squads whence pitted against one another should approach 1,000 yards if not surpass that number. I'm taking Oregon, what with the game being in Eugene. Oregon 45 Arizona State 42
Big Ten Games
Purdue vs Paterno State noon, EST, ESPN: Paterno State must rebound after being burned like a pile of brush in southern California by Ohio State last week. The Nittany Lions defense sohuld smother Purdue's offense along the line of scrimmage thanks to the strength of the defensive line. Purdue should do all they can to get the ball to Dorien Bryant on offense and on defense they should just let PSU qb Anthony Morelli do his thing, and by "thing" I mean screw up royally. Paterno State 23 Purdue 17
Iowa vs Team Slumpbuster, noon, EST, ESPN2 The Hawkeyes are coming off a hard fought and statistically misleading overtime victory over Michigan State last week and are completely due for a letdown. That being said, Team Slumpbuster is stil Team Slumpbuster, however, I'm going with Northwestern's "eh" offense against Iowa's not-so-impervious defense. Team Slumpbuster 24 Iowa 13
Ball State vs Indiana, noon, EST, Big Ten Network As gamely as Ball State played last week against Illinois, I've got a hunch that Indiana will roll over the Cardinals. James Hardy and Kellen Lewis should get back on the same page this week and Hardy is due for a big game against a mediocre pass defense after being shut out of the end zone for the first time all season last week. Indiana 35 Ball State 21
Wisconsin vs Ohio State noon, EST, Big Ten Network: Inexplicably this game is being broadcast on the small-market Big Ten Network, "the home of mediocre announcing since 2007!" I cannot begin to fathom how pissed off I would be if I awoke on Saturday morning fully expecting to watch this game on ABC or ESPN only to discover that the game is on a channel my cable provider does not carry. Thankfully, that scenario only exists in my mind and I, of course, will be risking life and limb in the hornets nest that is Columbus, Ohio. The over/under on my survival will fluctuate drastically with the decision of me to sport my Wisconsin tee on the streets or only inside the still-unsafe but marginally more patrolled confines of the Horseshoe. The over/under and outcome of the actal game, sadly, is not nearly as variable and I fully expect Ohio State to suffocate the life out of Wisconsin's talentless offense. The only way the Badgers keep it close is if their defense embodies that of the tent raiding Badger of last year instead of the cartoon Pirate Badger that's been on the field the majority of this season. Ohio State 31 Wisconsin 10
Michigan vs Michigan State, 3:30 EST, ABC: Michigan should have no trouble with Michigan State. Henne should find Mario Manningham and the rest of the receiving corps wide open all game long, which should set up Mike Hart perfectly for the play-action runs that UM can run so well. Javon Ringer will be MSU's only hope and if he can squeak past the Wolverines rejuvenated and still massive defensive line, he could do some damage... Michigan 27 Michigan State 14
Illinois vs Minnesota, 8:00 pm, Big Ten Network: Rashard Mendenhall and Juice Williams all day. Minnesota does not have a prayer. Illinois 42 Minnesota 20
The Big Ten schedule, in spite of itself, only quasi-sucks this weekend. At first glance, it may seem like, "Huh! Another full load of pachyderm-quality crap games." But if you look closer at that heaping stack of elephant dung, there are in fact some fascinating things occurring. Much like the African dung beetle, for instance, Penn State @ Indiana offers a glimpse at the Herculean tasks that everyone, be they beetle or Hoosier, must face everyday. In honor of this momentous non-step backwards for the conference, I offer drink suggestions and factual analysis/predictions.
Northwestern @ Eastern Michigan, 7:00 pm, EST. ESPN U Shouldn't you be out to dinner with friends, or out at a bar for Happy Hour, hitting on your choicest of co-workers? If you happen to be out at a bar and glance at the score of this game, that's understandable. Otherwise, do yourself a favor and avoid this game. Regarding the game itself; hey, sometimes a pony gets depressed and sometimes Team Slumpbuster needs to bust their own slump.
Prediction: Team Slumpbuster 34 Eastern Michigan 21
Suggested Drinks: As already mentioned you should be at a bar. Do what you normally do on a Friday night and drink until you've got enough confidence loss of inhibitions to talk to a person of the opposite sex.
Paterno State vs Indiana, 12:00 pm, EST, ESPN Indiana's offensive juggernaut versus Paterno State's defensive goliath. James Hardy and Kellen Lewis should still get theirs but I expect PSU's defensive line is going to be waaaaay too much for Indiana. Unless Morelli finds a way to, well, "Morelli" things up for the Nittany Lions, PSU should roll.
Prediction: PSU 27 Indiana 14
Suggested Drinks: This game is starting at 11 am out here in CST, so, I'll be, most likely, asleep. Let prudence be your guide.
North Dakota State vs Minnesota, 12:00 pm, Big Ten Network Woe to the Golden Gophers of Minnesota. They head into this weekend's tilt with the Bisons of NDSU as a 1-6 team that has been hemorrhaging points all season long, and sadly that trend will not stop on Saturday. The Bison should roll against Minnesota, in spite of their "cupcake" label. Of course, the BTN has this game picked up in the hope of capturing that vaunted Fargo-audience. Smart choice!
Prediction NDSU 35 Minnesota 20
Suggested Drinks: Minnesota fan: Arsenic on the rocks. NDSU fan: Moet, lots of Moet. Casual fan: Why bother?
Northern Illinois vs Wisconsin, 12:00 pm, EST, Big Ten Network Dollars to doughnuts says nobody knows who the Hell Justin Anderson is. Justin Anderson is the nation's sixth leading rusher and he happens to play for Northern Illinois. Wisconsin, happens to be the NIU Huskies opponent this weekend. UW, also happens to be surrendering 162 yards of rushing per game and for three straight weeks have allowed a 100 yard rusher. I'm not saying UW, with a very vulnerable defense and a completely incompetent offense will lose; but, I am saying UW will have a very difficult time. And that Justin Anderson will make it extremely nerve-wracking for the Badger faithful in attendance at Camp Randall.
Prediction: No. Illinois 17 UW 23
Suggested Drinks Whiskey and Coke, plenty of them. Whiskey to desensitize and Coke for caffeine's rejuvenating qualities.
Iowa vs Purdue, 12:00 pm, EST, ESPN 2 Upon being destroyed by the menacing defenses of Ohio State and Michigan in consecutive weeks The Boilermakers- point a minute offense of earlier this season, is nothing but a faint memory. Purdue now returns home from Ann Arbor to face an increasingly competent appearing Iowa squad, that has another stout defense. Curtis Painter will be spending some QT with his chiropractor after this game, unless, of course! Joe Tiller has somehow smuggled in the o-line of the New England Patriots. Iowa's offense, well, they might score a touchdown. I mean, they are averaging 16.3 points a game, they have to get at least one TD and that should be enough.
Prediction: Iowa 13 Purdue 10
Suggested Drinks: Follow Sea Bass' lead:
"Make it four Boilermakers."
Michigan State vs Ohio State With this game the "#1" team in the country, the Buckeyes, begins in earnest it's quest to get back to the national title game. They've faced no offense as talented nor as deep as MSU's and the only one that comes remotely close, Purdue, was shut out for 59:10 of the game. Team Choke Artist needs to approach this game, and think, "Let's keep it close." Although, Javon Ringer should pop off a few nice runs. Of course, the last time Team Choke Artist showed up in Columbus, it was the beginning of the end for John L. Smith and the beginning of the Buckeyes run at domination. Honestly, tOSU could very well be looking forward to their game @ Penn State next week. Time will tell.
Different Coach, Same Team
Prediction: John L. Smith Memorial Team 21 Ohio State 34
Suggested Drink: Coors Light and 'Tussin Mixer. Only one drink can match the mayhem, nerves and fear that is Columbus on gameday. Tip your pharmacist upon buying the Robitussin, they'll get it.
Michigan vs Illinois As it is Lloyd versus the Zookster is a fairly comical coaching match up and of course, the powers that be would never allow Zook and Carr to star in their own sit com. [Ed's Note: Damn the man, sir!] But, oh, the mischief and capers those scamps would get into!
Scene: Lloyd: "Now Ron, you remember that I've invited Michigan bursars over for dinner. Did you pick up that pork roast like I asked you to?"
Ron: "Oh Lloyd! I completely forgot, and besides, tonight's the night I've got tickets for Aerosmith."
Lloyd: "ZOOOKSTER! I've had it to up here with your hijinks!"
Ron: "Aww, take a chill pill, what are you on the rag? I hope the Zookster's sizzlin' hot date sure ain't havin' a visit from the old Aunty Flo. Y'know what I mean, highfive!"
Lloyd: "ZOOOOKSTER!"
Where was I? Oh yeah, yeah, the game: Illinois meet Reality. Reality meet Illinois. Michigan will run all over the Fightin' Illini. Mike Hart, who should be a legitimate Heisman candidate with his stats will punish Illinois' entire defensive front seven.
Prediction:Michigan 35 Illinois 17
Drink Suggestion: Lloyd's of the world will prefer: a strong Tanqueray and Tonic. Zookster's of the world will crave: Killian's Red.
Holy Fuck! This weekend's bill of Big Ten games is terrible, dead puppies terrible, demilitarized zone terrible! Minnesota @ Northwestern? Kent State @ Ohio State? Pass the poison, cuz it's gonna take a lot of "grandpa's cough syrup" to watch this shit. In honor of how dis-spiriting these games are, I'm grading each match with an estimate of how much you'll have to drink to stomach the chaotic and nausea-inducing "competition" on your TV screen.
Noon EST. Big Ten Network, Kent State vs. #3 Ohio State: Fancy yourself a real early-riser and a real early drinker? Saddle up to the Bloody Marys and forgo the tomato juice, horseradish, and other bits that you might be tempted to "filter" that powerful vodka with. Pour yourself a tall one and get bleary-eyed quickly. Drinks til Watchable: 5.5
"Make it a double. No, a triple! and keep 'em coming!"
Noon EST. ESPN2, #18 Illinois vs. Iowa: Indulge in a six pack of Capital Brewery's Autumnal Fire, 8.5% by Vol. or Bell's Two Hearted Ale 7.0% by Vol. and relish the great flavor at the same time as you relish watching Rashard Mendenhall punish Iowa's defense. Drinks til Watchable: 1.5-2
Noon EST. Mercifully, not televised, Minnesota vs. Northwestern: Do shots of tequilla until you pass out and then wake up three hours later. Drinks til Watchable: Infinity
Noon EST. Big Ten Network, Purdue vs. Michigan: A humdrum affair. Obviously watchable if you care passionately about either team. For the casual fan, I recommend Boilermakers, duh, and lots of them. Gather some friends and make a drinking game out Lloyd Carr's patented visage of contempt blended with aloofness. Drinks til Watchable: 3
Whiskey and Beer, two great tastes that go great together!
3:30 EST. ABC, #19 Wisconsin vs. Paterno State*: Hey, look! Two stodgy Big Ten offenses are lining up against each other, hooray! Yes, these two teams will be battling it out in Monty Python "Twit of the Year Fashion," as neither squad's all that good. Penn State's defense is actually kinda good, so PJ Hill could possibly be contained. Fortunately, for UW fans, in spite of Wisconsin's atrocious defense, PSU's QB sucks even more! Drinks til Watchable: 3
7:00 EST. Big Ten Network, Indiana vs. Michigan State: This haas the potential to be the most exciting Big Ten game of the week as both teams are, y'know, good at offense and bad, soooo bad, at defense. I recommend a light ale as you ease yourself into your own comfort zone with Lady Libation as your companion. Drinks til Watchable: 2
* Oh, our bet is so on, Rudy! Two pitchers of beer to the winner. PSU=Road Rage and Incompetence! Your team is "teh sux!"
This weekend's Big Ten schedule is looking weaker than normal, so, while I'm steeling myself for another ardurous weekend of crappy football watching, please amuse yourself with these other sports related links:
Baseball
I don't care about baseball but I feel compelled to at least mention the playoffs, seeing as, 1) The Cleveland Indians are still in it, and, I, apparently have some vested interest in their success because I'm from northern Ohio. 2)The Indians have already disposed of one half of the The Great New England Douchebag Fan Base simply by defeating the Yankees. Now they can pull off the sweep by eliminating the Boston Red Sox. With that in mind here is some artwork I made:
Yeah, I just found out about LOL" " so, yeah, expect a lot of these over the next few weeks.
Apparently, there is an entire other "league" in baseball known as the "National League" and they also have baseball playoffs going on right now. Crazy, I know. Evidently, the winners of the "National League" and the American League compete in something called the "World's Bowl" or something.
NBA News and Notes
Baron Davis, aka: Boom Diddy, aka: iBoom, aka: Sir Lay PipesAlot. has a blog! Nothing ground breaking, it's just fairly humorous and et cetera.
Okay, that's it for now. I'm trying to get up the gumption to "analyze" the Big Ten this weekend.
After the drudgery that was the slate of Big Ten games last weekend, this weekend's slate of games rewards us, the loyal viewers, with ...audible groan... more drudgery.
Eastern Michigan vs. Michigan Typically the flagship state institution never has any problems or issues when taking care of business with their smaller, directional-state university counter-parts. It's a dirty business: few questions are asked, the smaller schoool assumes the position and money is exchanged. Considering the Wolverines "struggles" earlier in the year, I imagine they'll be even more annoyed and prepared for this game than typical. It will be painful, messy and awful for Eastern Michigan and all they should do is think about the big pile of money they're getting paid. Michigan 41 Eastern Michigan 10
Northwestern vs. Michigan State The Spartans are coming off a sloppy loss in Madison, fortunately, Team Slumpbuster is rolling into town and just in time! Northwestern should really focus on keeping this one close, say, under three touchdowns. MSU 38 NU 14
Minnesota vs. Indiana Monsieurs Hardy and Lewis will continue to exploit undersized, slow secondaries this weekend as the charitably-described "rebuilding" Golden Gophers sidle into Bloomington. Hardy, who already has seven touchdowns, will be looking to add to his personal NFL scouts highlight video. Neither of these teams really believe in the concept of "defense", so it should be relatively high scoring and "funnish" to watch. Hoosiers 35 Minnesota 21
Wisconsin vs. Illinois I've been cringing at the prospect of this game since I saw the schedule, thinking to myself, "There's a loss for UW." Yes, after Paterno was "Zooked" last weekend, the Badgers are going to be the next victim for the coaching "genius" that is Ron Zook. Zook, who has the good-fortune of having the best running back that nobody's heard of, Rashard Mendenhall, will be riding Mendenhall and spread option QB extraordinaire, Juice Williams, to another victory against a ranked opponent. Ugh. Wisconsin 20 Illinois 31
Iowa vs. Paterno State Both Iowa and Paterno State come into this game coming off losses in consecutive weeks and neither really should relish at the prospect of 0-3 in conference and, "Hello, SunBowl!" Fittingly for this game both teams feature stout defenses and offenses that couldn't find their ass with a flashlight and a map. Will Anthony Morelli discover a new way to screw things up ? I doubt it. Iowa 10 Paterno State 21
"Yeah, that Morelli kid, I tell ya, He's the screen door in my submarine."
#4 Ohio State vs. #23 Purdue Every three or four years, Purdue's offense seems to be set to "retard-strength" levels similar to Bo Jackson's capabilites in Tecmo Bowl, but with passing as opposed to running. Well, this is another one of those years as the Boilermakers have yet to score fewer than 40 points in a game. Ohio State on the other hand has yet to give up more than two touchdowns in a game. Irrestible force. Meet. Immovable object. If this game were in Columbus there would be no doubt that tOSU would "Tresselball" their way to a victory. However, it's in West Lafayette, it's a night game and Ohio State always struggles at night and away from the 'Shoe. Purdue 28 Ohio State 23
Inevitable Notre Dame Watch
Notre Dame has opened up it's season with five straight losses a first in the history of the program. How many games can the Fightin' Irish lose in a row? At least one more because this weekend ND is at UCLA. The Bruins shall continue the miseries of the South Bend faithful.
It's Thursday again and that means, "Sports, Sports, Sports." Today, per usual, suddenlystruttin will be covering the upcoming Big Ten games for the weekend and additionally, a modestly expanded look at the games in other parts of the country.
Thursday Night's hors d'oeuvre
#8 Kentucky vs. #11 South Carolina This game is much less an appetizer and much more a true game. With the outcome having a larger impact on the SEC East race than the Tennessee vs Georgia match-up later in the weekend, it's true, look it up Cletus. In any case The Visored One, Steve Spurrier usually owns the Kentucky Wildcats. Meanwhile Kentucky's QB Andre Woodson usually owns the opposing team's secondary. My pick? Kentucky 31 SC 21.
Other non-Big Ten games that will be more entertaining than the Big Ten line up, sigggghhh
Kansas vs. #24 Kansas State "The sexiest pillow fight the Sunflower State could conjure," better live up to it's billing. I don't believe either of these teams has the ability to win the Big 12 North, let alone challenge Texas or Oklahoma, but then again K-State already beat Texas, guh? Kansas 17 Kansas State 28
#10 Oklahoma vs. #19 Texas The Red River Shootout doesn't carry as much relevance as it has in years past when it was a de facto National Title game or, at the least, a showcase of what Vince Young could do. Sadly, both the Sooners and Longhorns come into this game with a conference loss and only the matters of state pride and a potential million dollar pay out by making it to the BCS are on the line. Oklahoma 42 Texas 21
#9 Florida vs. #1 LSU According to this guy the LSU Tigers should have no problems whatsoever with The Florida Gators-Gators are relatives of Crocodiles. Tiger beats Crocodile, Anyone Should Know That. Thus, Tiger beats Gator.- Sadly, the battles between Man, especially, when rivalries and young men's emotions are involved are not nearly as clear-cut nor as predictable as the laws of Mother Nature and shitty Youtube videos. LSU has a much more powerful defensive line that should bottle up UF QB/Force of Nature Tim Tebow. LSU's offense is much better than Florida's defense. Thus, Florida 14 LSU 35.
The Big Ten Conference coughed to life last weekend in what I'll generously dub, "Slow Starts: A primer for offensive coordinators in the Big Ten." This weekend it doesn't get any better as there are a ton of should-be blowouts on tap for the Big Ten, also, the other conferences have a full sleight of crap-tacular games as well. Moving on...
Games That Should be Fun for Everybody:
#5 West Virginia vs. #18 South Florida Let's see West Virginny is the "rootinest, tootinest, most rushinest" team west of Annapolis. They have a veritable Hydra in their backfield with Slaton, White and Devine all being completely capable of slashing through your precious defense with the precision of a samurai's katana. Meanwhile, the South Florida Bulls roll in as everyone's upstart media darling. Actually, and as cute as a Bull calf must be, USF has got some teeth and claws, last year, like, totally upsetting, like, West Virginia's plans for a BCS Bowl. I really don't know much more about these two teams, but that won't stop me from making a prediction: USF 31 WVU 34.
#6 California vs. #11 Oregon Unless you live on the West Coast you won't be catching this game. Granted with Bears and Ducks fans occupying the same space in the Pacific Northwest, the contact high should at least reach Lincoln, so you could catch that. On paper, at least, this is the most competitive game of the week. C'est la vie. Watch what your Televised Sports Overlords tell you to watch and thank them for it. "Thank You, ESPN/ABC." I like California. Hmmm, let's say Cal 38 Oregon 28. Sounds good, to me.
Big Ten Games
Michigan vs. Northwestern The Wolverines are still hungry after awakening from their hibernation later than all the other teams and will feast upon the Big Ten's soft, fleshy, white underbelly, known as Northwestern. Mike Hart will have over 200 yards of rushing, if he's left in for the duration of the game. Michigan 27 Northwestern 10.
Indiana vs. Iowa Let's see, Iowa lost their tight end and wide receiver last week and are coming off a hard fought, yet, still uninspiring, loss to the Badgers of UW. And Indiana's got a soft, as cotton candy rush defense. Still they have Kellen Lewis and James Hardy to make up for their defense's shortcomings. Indiana wins a shootout. Hoosiers 42 Hawkeyes 38.
Paterno State vs. Illinois Morreli's going to screw this one up, I just know it! Sorry, Rudy, but I'm picking against the Lions. Illinois 20 Penn St. 13
Penn State's mascot stripping: More or less humiliating than losing to Illinois? Find out on Saturday!
Notre Dame @ Purdue I'm feeling a little loopy and stupid right now, so, against all intuitions and facts of football science: I'm picking Notre Dame to beat Purdue. Please, don't ask me for a score, this prediction is troubling enough.
Michigan State vs. Wisconsin Well, Wisconsin still hasn't show itself to be anything more than a bi-polar, loose cannon of offensive ineptitude. BUT, they still have an awesome defense and Pajamas Hill, I'm crossing myself and hoping that is enough to beat Michigan State. If it's not, well, I'll be hanging out with this guy a lot on Saturday night...
The teams of the Big Ten, after a diet of cupcakes* and middling opponents from the other power conferences, begin their seasons, in earnest, this weekend with a plethora of Big Ten match-ups. For the most part the Big Ten and, in general, the college football schedule is pretty boring this week. That being said, expect some team to score touchdowns and another team to score field goals and yet another squad to score none, this game of course now being played on a three-way "Y" shaped field.
Tonight's action: Texas A & M vs. U of Miami, FL The Hurricanes are continuing their redemptive pre-ACC schedule/Big 12 Deathmarch towards relevance, this time by hosting the Aggies. This plan of redemption did not pan out well for Miami two weeks ago, when they were repeatedly taken behind the shed by a bigger, better Oklahoma team. I expect that although this game will be much closer, the 'Canes will still be on the short end, but maybe not. In any case, it's only entertainment and an hors d'oeuvre for Saturday.
Saturday Michigan State vs. Notre Dame If the football gods are feeling merciful towards MSU for the incredible-nay-miraculous Notre Dame comeback against the Spartans last year, than ND's fall from baseless and entirely media-driven grace into still-winless and damned purgatory will continue. As a staunch Big Ten backer and Notre Dame "unliker" I hope that this is the case.
Northwestern vs. Ohio State The year: 2004, the location: Evanston, IL. A young and impressionable Tony Ritz watched as an unthinkable sight unfolded before his very eyes: Northwestern defeated Ohio State. More importantly, another slightly older witness was one, Jim Tressel. Tress upon bearing this calamity has made it his point to remind Northwestern who they are and who Ohio State is. This will be ugly before halftime and will only get uglier, unless Tress displays a modicum of mercy. "Northwestern, in case you were wondering:Yes, I'm still very upset about 2004."
Illinois vs. Indiana I'm probably a little too excited about this game, but, in all honesty I really want to see what happens. Both teams have underrated offenses and very minor/ineffective/drunk? defenses. If it weren't an 11 o'clock kickoff it'd be fun to come up with a drinking game revolving around the scoring in this game. Kellen Lewis, James Hardy, Juice Williams, Rashard Mendenhall: you guys all score touchdowns and try to get the scoreboard to go on the fritz, okay? Bold Prediction: Whoever wins this game is going to a bowl game.
Paterno State University vs. Michigan Well, two weeks behind schedule Michigan finally awoke from its hibernation and shamed an increasingly awful looking Notre Dame squad. Michigan's reawakening should continue and much like a recently awakened grizzly bear, UM will be looking for food. Sustenance for UM's offense will be provided by PSU's slightly weakish defensive line and Mike Hart shall have his fill. Anthony Morrelli will suffice for nourishment if the Wolverine defenders can only get to him. The jury is still out on that part.
Iowa vs. Wisconsin I'm waay too nervous about this game to be impartial or even rational. The Badgers have been more schizo than a Britney/Winehouse -fueled bender weekend in Vegas. Seriously, Iowa could come into Camp Randall and beatdown UW and I wouldn't even bat an eyelash, that's how bizzare UW has been since dismantling Washington State in week one. Let's hope Pajamas Hill and Donovan TCB.
*No, I'm not going to make fun of Michigan for losing to Appalachian State and Oregon. I mean, who would relish in an arch-rivals shadenfreude? A complete and utter dick, that's who. Still, I mean, it is funny that they lost to both teams at home and that their defense couldn't even figure out what was happening. Remember when Dennis Dixo pulled a fake Statue of Liberty play and a real Statue of Liberty play against the Wolverines? That was awesome.
"Me? 'Smoke'em peace pipe, I think rather not, Chief Runs-With-Coeds. Nay, this fine Cuban and a glass of port shall suffice."
"I will slaughter you with my huge axe.
