Sports Thursday

The teams of the Big Ten, after a diet of cupcakes* and middling opponents from the other power conferences, begin their seasons, in earnest, this weekend with a plethora of Big Ten match-ups. For the most part the Big Ten and, in general, the college football schedule is pretty boring this week. That being said, expect some team to score touchdowns and another team to score field goals and yet another squad to score none, this game of course now being played on a three-way "Y" shaped field.

Tonight's action:
Texas A & M vs. U of Miami, FL The Hurricanes are continuing their redemptive pre-ACC schedule/Big 12 Deathmarch towards relevance, this time by hosting the Aggies. This plan of redemption did not pan out well for Miami two weeks ago, when they were repeatedly taken behind the shed by a bigger, better Oklahoma team. I expect that although this game will be much closer, the 'Canes will still be on the short end, but maybe not. In any case, it's only entertainment and an hors d'oeuvre for Saturday.

Saturday
Michigan State vs. Notre Dame If the football gods are feeling merciful towards MSU for the incredible-nay-miraculous Notre Dame comeback against the Spartans last year, than ND's fall from baseless and entirely media-driven grace into still-winless and damned purgatory will continue. As a staunch Big Ten backer and Notre Dame "unliker" I hope that this is the case.

Northwestern vs. Ohio State The year: 2004, the location: Evanston, IL. A young and impressionable Tony Ritz watched as an unthinkable sight unfolded before his very eyes: Northwestern defeated Ohio State. More importantly, another slightly older witness was one, Jim Tressel. Tress upon bearing this calamity has made it his point to remind Northwestern who they are and who Ohio State is. This will be ugly before halftime and will only get uglier, unless Tress displays a modicum of mercy. "Northwestern, in case you were wondering:Yes, I'm still very upset about 2004."

Illinois vs. Indiana I'm probably a little too excited about this game, but, in all honesty I really want to see what happens. Both teams have underrated offenses and very minor/ineffective/drunk? defenses. If it weren't an 11 o'clock kickoff it'd be fun to come up with a drinking game revolving around the scoring in this game. Kellen Lewis, James Hardy, Juice Williams, Rashard Mendenhall: you guys all score touchdowns and try to get the scoreboard to go on the fritz, okay? Bold Prediction: Whoever wins this game is going to a bowl game.

Paterno State University vs. Michigan Well, two weeks behind schedule Michigan finally awoke from its hibernation and shamed an increasingly awful looking Notre Dame squad. Michigan's reawakening should continue and much like a recently awakened grizzly bear, UM will be looking for food. Sustenance for UM's offense will be provided by PSU's slightly weakish defensive line and Mike Hart shall have his fill. Anthony Morrelli will suffice for nourishment if the Wolverine defenders can only get to him. The jury is still out on that part.

Iowa vs. Wisconsin I'm waay too nervous about this game to be impartial or even rational. The Badgers have been more schizo than a Britney/Winehouse -fueled bender weekend in Vegas. Seriously, Iowa could come into Camp Randall and beatdown UW and I wouldn't even bat an eyelash, that's how bizzare UW has been since dismantling Washington State in week one. Let's hope Pajamas Hill and Donovan TCB.

*No, I'm not going to make fun of Michigan for losing to Appalachian State and Oregon. I mean, who would relish in an arch-rivals shadenfreude? A complete and utter dick, that's who. Still, I mean, it is funny that they lost to both teams at home and that their defense couldn't even figure out what was happening. Remember when Dennis Dixo pulled a fake Statue of Liberty play and a real Statue of Liberty play against the Wolverines? That was awesome.