Sports Thursday on Friday, COLLEGEFUCKIN'FOOTBALL WHOOOOO! Edition

Before Tony Ritz was a ladies man, there was this music video and college football.

Hot fuckin' dog!!! The college football season is in full swing this weekend and by all measures I am rather amped. Not in a Michigan-Ohio State sense of amped-where there's a plentiful amount of nerves and suicidal fears of loss-more the sense of amped as in: "I'm about to get laid by this hot chick, suh-weet!" Prior to Tony Ritz's first attempts at the horizontal mambo the only other thing I can compare this level of "amp-osity" to has to be the video for Guns and Roses, "You Could Be Mine." At the mere mention of this video being played within the next hour and a half, 10 year old Tony Ritz found himself continually checking for it on "the MTV." I blame the awesome guitars and my unhealthy obsession with Terminator 2.

What I'll be watching and judging

Miami @ Oklahoma
A completely compelling early season match up of two former footballin juggernauts who have fallen on slightly hard times, Miami more so than OU. I've not seen either squad and only know that Miami's defense is supposedly a squadron of death that will be carrying the loathsomely incapable Hurricane offense most of the season.

Oregon @ Michigan
Hmmm, Lllllloyd's boys return to the scene of one of history's greatest embarassments and welcome the Oregon Ducks into the Big House. Mike Hart will run at will against Oregon's terrible defensive line and Dennis Dixon (Oregon's QB) should do much the same against Michigan's equally terrible defensive line.

Notre Dame @ Paterno State
Fuck this shit. PSU by, like, hmmmm, 55 points? I'm getting one of the interns to find out the spread for this dick fest of a game. Rudy, text me if Paterno suits up in the second half to box Jimmy Clausen's ears.

Texas Christian @ Texas
I seriously want TCU to bamboozle the fuck out of Texas, sadly, I doubt this will happen. Nay, Colt McCoy had his one shitty outing and he'll be back to his All-Universe self this week.


The Colt says, "Know your damn role."

Virginia Tech @ Louisiana State
This game is some serious FOOTBALL ARMAGEDDON! Seriously, my "amp-osity" is off the charts for this fucker. Also, I should be pretty drunk by this game so I'll be high fiving sooo many cock-knocking douchebags at whatever bar I'm at.

Wisconsin @ UNLV
UW had better fucking win.