Live! From Oklahoma City

Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, Seattle, Boston, Detroit? Those skylines are mere sand castles compared with Oklahoma City!

Greetings from Will Rogers World Airport [World? Not International? Weird- Ed.] I'm in Oklahoma City's airport on a layover between Chicago and Los Angeles. And, yes. Oklahoma is flatter than even the other parts of the Midwest. Furthermore, I've heard "Big'Un" once and "not those kinds" once. It's as if every yokel in the state descended en masse and via tractor to this airport to witness the spectacle of "them thar flyin' contraptions." All that being said, the airport has OMG TEH WIFI! and a sports bar with the NCAA tourney on. "Hello, Beer. Old friend, trusted lover!" In any case here's what's been going on with my life:

Going to LA to visit this roguish character: Ted

I scored an internship with this record label. Yeah, me and Public Relations, we're like Starsky and Hutch or Peanut Butter and Jelly.

And I threw my hat into the ring for a blogging job with the Tyra Banks Show. (fingers snappin') "Oh, Girrrll!"

Travelers and Nerds, Rejoice!

Wifi on Airplanes is coming soon. This a great idea and the time has definitely come for wifi on airplanes. My only concern is longer lines at security with the increase in people traveling with laptops, that, and, of course, the guy who has too many Mai-Thai Cocktails in first class and starts downloading porn in front of a family...

...And We Are Back.

Hey everybody, Tony Ritz is back in the Midwest, where it is still way too hot and I'm still marginally (at best) employed. Seatlle was pretty cool, it reminded me of a bizzare metropolitan hybrid between Madison, Wi and Yellowknife, Northwest Territories. The weather and atmospheric conditions definitely evoke a "perpetual Autumn," and it's suggested that you change into an outfit of largely neutral colors upon landing at SeaTac. To make it clear how disparate the climates of Seattle and Chiago are, let me only say that it was fourteen degrees warmer in Chicago at 9:30 at night than Seattle at 2:30 in the afternoon. I appreciated the cool weather and am, right now, missing the heck out of it as it's 85 degrees today. Meanwhile, the architecture of Seattle is a bafflingly awesome array of old factories, warehouses and modern ass-kicking neo skyscrapers. Two things that stuck out:

The Space Needle, Old and Busted


Seriously, this structure is on some 1950s World of Tomorrow type-a-shit. It is a signature building of the nation and, duh, for Seattle. But looking at it from the highway, I couldn't help feeling sorry for it. It's dwarfed by the downtown skyscrapers and looks oddly wide-read, overweight-with the way it's support elements are included into the design. It has not aged well.

Pike's Place Market is for suckerz!!!11 OMG!! LOLz!!!


"We might be dead and on sale in Pike's Market, but at least we can't hear the street performers. Also, the workers just tossed us here, hence, 'tossing salmon' which is a pretty funny euphemism for you know what..."

This place is crawling with tourists. Ryan and I went down there just to say we saw it and spent maybe a half hour there. We did see the very first Starbucks which is an important landmark in American Corporate History. Pike's Market though is a total shill and it's chock full of fuckin' hippies and "street performers." Ryan had left his Desert Eagle at home and, I of course abhor firearms, but, man, I really wanted to ruin some hippies/street urchins day by, what? I don't know ... smashing their guitar or lighting them on fire or busting out the brass knuckles not tipping them anything and politely ignoring them.

Aside from my diletante's appreciation for architecture, and realizing what I already knew; I learned also that drunk people really get confused towards the end of the night when you just start acting out scenes from "Gelnngary Glen Ross." Also, Ryan's friend Tiffany did not appreciate that, even when rather inebriated, I knew the lyrics to "Love Shack" by the B-52s. But that's really her problem and not mine.

Going to Seattle




I'm getting on a plane out to the Great Pacific Northwest today around noon. It should be a nice weekend visiting with my old friend Ryan and, evidently, our fathers will be there as well. Gonna try to find the original Starbucks, eat a ton of oysters, crabs and salmon.

What I'm looking forward to

Seafood and see food jokes.
UW vs tOSU from Husky Stadium. Sadly, our seats suck for this game.
Catching up with Ryan.

What I'm not looking forward to

Earthquakes. Seattle's due!
Potential off-the-charts awkwardness readings when my dad brings up his girlfriend and the condo they're planning on buying together. WTF?
Food poisoning.


Have a nice weekend.