Beard Season

I don't really mind winters in the Midwest, I mean, it's not my favorite season ('sup fall?) but it does afford me the opportunity to grow a beard. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Tony Ritz, why the heck don't you grow a beard whenever you feel like it?" And, I'd have to tell you, because beards are most bitching in the winter time? Are you a dude sporting a scarf? Bah! You wouldn't even need that dandy accoutrement if you had a beard. Hey, have you not paid your taxes yet? Well, shit, man! If you had a beard, you're troubles would be over. People with beards don't pay taxes! And really when the cold winds begin to blow off Lake Michigan and the oldies stations in the Midwest begin pumping "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" my facial follicles really begin to chomp at the bit to get some playtime. So screw off mustache and take a break goatee, this time of year belongs to the beard.